Finding Oneness In Duality

Divorce; A Practice of Self-Love

September 17, 2020 Inanda Joy & Valerie Season 2 Episode 17
Divorce; A Practice of Self-Love
Finding Oneness In Duality
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Finding Oneness In Duality
Divorce; A Practice of Self-Love
Sep 17, 2020 Season 2 Episode 17
Inanda Joy & Valerie

Episode 17....Divorce, Conscious Uncoupling and moving forward in life. 

In today's episode we delve into some vulnerable sharing around our individual experiences of marriage and our conscious decision to end our marriages and shift our relationships in our families. Although a painful process for both of us, it was also a path of growth and claiming our own sovereignty in our lives. We approach the conversation through the question of; "when do we know that it's time to step out of a relationship?" 
As individuals who "love to love" and learning that love has so many facets of depth and flavors of expression, ultimately the journey through marriage and then into the choice of ending that commitment brought us back into ourselves and ultimately loving ourselves. With various choice points presented along the way to recommit or to walk away, marriage was a journey of self discovery through intimate relationship with another. 
For me, Valerie, my experience of divorce has led to a beautiful rebirthing of what family looks like and how it is defined. I have had what you could call an "ideal divorce" and my previous partner and I are good friends and can coparent with a lot of cooperation and communication. It was a process of healing, forgiving, and letting go and definitely required that both of us were willing to walk that path to meet the other in that place.
Amanda has had a more painful and difficult time navigating divorce and separating lives and shares from her experience of what that has been like for her. Both paths have been perfect for each of us and perhaps could even be part of the Soul Contracts that we have with our previous partners. Regardless of how the journey looks like, it is a process of becoming embodied, and more conscious when we encounter those choice points that lead us through the journey of life.
Our ask today is, "How can I see things more clearly in my relationship and myself in the relationship?"

Show Notes Transcript

Episode 17....Divorce, Conscious Uncoupling and moving forward in life. 

In today's episode we delve into some vulnerable sharing around our individual experiences of marriage and our conscious decision to end our marriages and shift our relationships in our families. Although a painful process for both of us, it was also a path of growth and claiming our own sovereignty in our lives. We approach the conversation through the question of; "when do we know that it's time to step out of a relationship?" 
As individuals who "love to love" and learning that love has so many facets of depth and flavors of expression, ultimately the journey through marriage and then into the choice of ending that commitment brought us back into ourselves and ultimately loving ourselves. With various choice points presented along the way to recommit or to walk away, marriage was a journey of self discovery through intimate relationship with another. 
For me, Valerie, my experience of divorce has led to a beautiful rebirthing of what family looks like and how it is defined. I have had what you could call an "ideal divorce" and my previous partner and I are good friends and can coparent with a lot of cooperation and communication. It was a process of healing, forgiving, and letting go and definitely required that both of us were willing to walk that path to meet the other in that place.
Amanda has had a more painful and difficult time navigating divorce and separating lives and shares from her experience of what that has been like for her. Both paths have been perfect for each of us and perhaps could even be part of the Soul Contracts that we have with our previous partners. Regardless of how the journey looks like, it is a process of becoming embodied, and more conscious when we encounter those choice points that lead us through the journey of life.
Our ask today is, "How can I see things more clearly in my relationship and myself in the relationship?"

Preview (see attachment or web link for the full transcript):

Speaker 0 (0s): This is Inanda Joy and I am Valerie and we welcome you to the practice of living from your heart while Finding Oneness In Duality Don 

Speaker 1 (16s): And then 

Speaker 0 (16s): Say, good morning. 

Speaker 1 (21s): Good morning. Happy Friday. Is it Friday? I know, right? Yeah. I think it's Friday 

Speaker 2 (26s): Time. Yeah. For a while, a time, I feel like it has been the little non-linear, 

Speaker 1 (35s): Which has just 

Speaker 2 (36s): A, I mean, it's really a Testament, not a Testament, but it's really just reflecting. I feel like the shift that the earth is going through, that we're going through, like, things are time has been one of those things. It's 

Speaker 1 (47s): Get me a little becoming different. Absolutely. Well, and I feel like the more conscious I am becoming in choosing my reality and the more I'm calling in, I call it in my timeline is to start converging and coming into one timeline of embodied consciousness. Then you have to let go of 3d time because that doesn't exist in 3d time and no linear past present and future. Nope. Yeah, I know. 

But one thing that was coming to mind with it being Friday, Freya is the goddess of Friday. That's actually where the word Friday came from is free. And I have her in a couple of my goddess stacks, but the one that I love his she's the goddess of a Holy f**k. Yes. Thank you. Respect your time. And you have such a boundary around your time that unless it's a Holy f**k. Yes. It's a no. Yeah. And starting to embody, that has been an amazing Practice and its amazing what you can allow to just fall away if it's not in alignment with that. 

Holy f**k. Yes. Right. And then all of a sudden time works in your favor because you're not feeling it with all of these things you really don't want to do. Right? 

Speaker 2 (2m 2s): Yeah. Well you're slowing, you're more conscious of what you're creating instead of reacting to time. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (2m 9s): Yeah. And then it's like, I'm making a choice with my time. I'm making a choice in who is in my space, who I spend my time with because of the energetics or whatever, or like how it feels rather than like a in the past or a rescuer, a healer I'll use it in that term. Like trying to make everyone else's lives better, you know? And just not being willing to do that anymore. Yeah. Unless it's in a contained space of my practice, that's a different entity. 

Speaker 2 (2m 41s): Right. And that still, when you're when this is my Practice times, this is when I'm available, you can book it in this time. It's not bending your schedule too. So yeah. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (2m 52s): That was huge for me when I started creating really healthy boundaries around my practice or my time, how much charge, really holding to time with people valuing my time, following their time. Yeah. Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (3m 9s): So how are you doing today? 

Speaker 1 (3m 12s): Good. It's Friday. Yeah. I think it's nine 11. I know that you said that to me this morning in a taxi and I was like, Oh s**t. Yeah. It's a nine 11 interesting energy. 

Speaker 2 (3m 24s): It was definitely interesting energy today. I know when I was, I was telling Travis, it was interesting trying to track a little bit of the energetics. There's a part of it that fills the earth. That feels like there's a release that needs to happen, which like there's this buildup of tension. Yeah. So I'm curious to see, I'm curious to see what happens in the next few weeks, just on the earth. I know we have all of these fires and things that are happening. And I think sometimes we forget, we talked to her about this a little bit. Last episode, we forget that Gaia is a living, breathing thing. 

You know, just like we have to have explosions of whatever anger or emotions she does too in different kinds of expressions. It'll be interesting to see what happens. Then I had, I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day and we were just talking about some of this stuff that was going on. And she really believes that the, I believe it's the West coast, the oceans arising in the West coast we'll be covered. And so, you know, our, the, the country will start changing as far as the, the landmass and she believes there's going to be earthquakes and 

Speaker 1 (4m 28s): We will, we have oceanfront property in Utah. He was it going to come that far? 

Speaker 2 (4m 32s): Because I have no idea is to be completely Frank. And she goes, why aren't you? Because we were talking, we were talking about all sorts of things. Like along the way, ritualistic sexual abuse, like that kind of stuff. She's like, man, you can really hold space for these kind of conversations. And I'm like, well, yeah, it doesn't really phase me. And then she brings that up and she goes, well, you just shut off of that. And I'm like, because that is a thing that it's like, especially when you're talking about your kids, your family and taking care of it. And I'm like, ah, s**t, what it is. 

And trying not to go into that place, which actually is one of the things too that was coming up today of it does feel like there is darker energetics that are, that are raising in. How do I phrase this? So China just had a fashion show and I should forward this to you. The model's were covered, covered in blood and in red latex, devily carrying babies that are covered in blood. 

Like this is so everything that is it's almost to me, its so mocking, umm, you know, we are talking more and more about the sex trafficking and the, the things that are happening underground in the tunnels and more and more people are, are shifting from this cognitive dissonance of what has like, Oh no, that's not, that's not real to me. Holy s**t. This is real. And here's in China, this fashion show. It's like it's so it's so disgusting on the so many levels. 

Speaker 1 (6m 6s): And I feel like quote unquote, 

Speaker 2 (6m 8s): This is raising its head more, which creates fear. And the more we have fear, it feeds into it and actually grows. And so it's, it's a call to really start raising, to be more conscious of raising our vibration. What are your daily practices? What are the things that you are doing to call on your energy? I just posted a video that I had done on our Our Finding Oneness page. That is just that simple every morning. And every night you call in your energy, you clear your talk or as you clear your energetic fields, you call it. And even from electronics who send out any energy that is not yours. 

Like it's a super easy yeah. Daily practice that I think is really important. And, and there is a call like you, I'm going to say something that is going to sound very, I'm going to sneeze. Hold on, 

Speaker 1 (6m 54s): Bless you. You, 

Speaker 2 (6m 56s): It is time for people to either wake up there's this is a split that's happening. You either start waking up and become more conscious as far as how you can be a sovereign being and how you're consciously choosing to live your life. Like the time example that you were giving or you start you breaking off to the lower vibration. And eventually those lower vibration people in my belief system will not be on the earth in the next few years or are they, 

Speaker 1 (7m 22s): This is our experience of earth. I believe that 

Speaker 2 (7m 25s): Is that they will not be on the earth. And then two years you think are our planet is raising in consciousness and vibration and there you can't the two can't exist together. 

Speaker 1 (7m 36s): Oh, I agree with you. Well, okay. So if we're in a dualistic place, yes, they absolutely will. And for our trans transcending, us sending two to five D right where Duality doesn't need to exist then? No they wouldn't. Yeah. And I mean, it makes me think of Richard reds, gene keys. I think it's, Oh this is probably wrong. 

But I think it's the 55th gene key where he talks about don't be afraid. I love that you're pulling your Bookout. Don't be afraid or sad for those who are not choosing to be Conscious right now, because they are actually in service of pulling those densities, pulling that consciousness, pulling those low vibrational energies off the planet. 

Speaker 2 (8m 29s): This one is the Dragon's fly dream. Is that 

Speaker 1 (8m 31s): So yeah, that's my favorite won the dragons. So that's the 55th. Yeah. I think it's in that one. I love you too 

Speaker 2 (8m 38s): In your memory is because there are the gene keys is, I mean, this is a map, 

Speaker 1 (8m 42s): It's a manual 500 pages and we're like, Oh and the 55th Jean Key. I think I'm ranking. Yes. Okay. The dragon play. Yes. That's the one that I love. I'm like, I can barely even remember mine. I know. But if, if you were to ask me about like the number of tending key, I wouldn't know. I just, this one I've listened to on his SoundCloud transmission, he's done an oral reading of it. And so it's and it was super meaningful to me. So that's why the tempting ki is being at ease. Just so you know. 

Well, good. I'm glad I pulled that one out there. You were talking about the 55th and I love that you brought that cause you know, 

Speaker 2 (9m 18s): Everything does serve a purpose and I'm not saying this to create fear. It's just more of an awareness that this, I do believe this is where we're going to ask you. 

Speaker 1 (9m 25s): And it was a conscious choice. It is a conscious or unconscious. It is a choice. It's a choice. 

Speaker 2 (9m 31s): Everything is a choice and a choice point as far as how we want to live live life, which 

Speaker 1 (9m 36s): Wow. I almost feel like things are getting so transparent. There's no way you can not know what's going on. 

Speaker 2 (9m 44s): I think there is still a way you can not know what's going on. You can still put your head on and you can put your heads under the covers so to speak or hold so tightly onto a belief will not. Yeah, that is true because it and our world is showing it right now in, in a way that it's never shown it before you can have any kind of belief system and you can find things online that support it. Yep. 

Speaker 1 (10m 7s): Yup, absolutely. Which is so bizarre. Usually 

Speaker 2 (10m 10s): It's like, Oh no, you know, the whole fact checking and whatever that's s**t that's going on right now. That's bogus. I mean, 

Speaker 1 (10m 17s): Yeah. Agreed. Well, that's, that's the shamonic Practice is an inward journey into your truth and really trusting yourself in your truth. Like, 

Speaker 2 (10m 26s): I don't know if it's a spiritual practice, not just a shamonic well for sure. But how do you separate the two With shamonic Anish spiritual. Yeah. Oh, I think people that don't buy into a sharp shamanism, but yeah. I feel like they're spiritual. We just don't have a resonance with that. 

Speaker 1 (10m 40s): Yeah. I to me they're not separate and I don't see how they can see, I don't know how you could have a shamonic Practice and not have it be a spiritual or have a spiritual practice and not turn to earth on it. And the reason you can, and I see what you were saying, because you may not have a car that connects 

Speaker 2 (10m 55s): Our earth keepers and we all link back to earth keepers at some point in time in our life. 

Speaker 1 (11m 0s): That was the way of the work. That was the way of people on the planet, the way they lived like, and there's indigenous people that are still holding that for the rest of us. And we were starting to go, Oh, I feel this, I recognize this. I want that connection back because that's how we use to live as humans. Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (11m 18s): Yeah. And being in communion with the land instead of stewards of the land in thinking we can control that. And have you read the book a mutant message, the message from Downunder it's been a while that I know 

Speaker 1 (11m 30s): You read part of it. I didn't get all the way through a lot, if that was a great, 

Speaker 2 (11m 34s): Yeah. And that was a really good the mutant, by the way, it was a white person that they allowed in their tribes in Australia, right? 

Speaker 1 (11m 39s): Yeah. It was. And they did a walk about 

Speaker 2 (11m 42s): It and took her with it. And really, I mean they communicated telepathically. They were really in communion with a land of feeling, the vibration of our water was food was, were, and they would take turns as far as who is leading the group to find these different plate aspects. And she got to lead it at one point in time. And it was a really cool, I, I, I liked the story. I don't know if you remember this part, but they actually, because of where the world was going and with the, the vision that they were getting new, where the planet was going. 

And so they were choosing to end their tribe and they were not procreating. They were not having children anymore. So they were ending the bloodline and, but they needed this. They wanted this message out. So they allowed this white person to come in and yeah, it's a really interesting book. I didn't get that far. Yes. Go ahead. 

Speaker 1 (12m 34s): And when they just started walking into the wilderness and her feet were like dying, she had the wrong shoes on the wrong clothes. Most of them are a barrier. Th th they are a barefoot, right? 

Speaker 2 (12m 46s): Yeah. Yeah. And she was older too, I think in her fifties. Yeah. And this actually brings, did it, did you read that part about the Australia it's in Australia to where supposedly this machine has been planted from what was it? The palladium. Yeah. It was. 

Speaker 1 (13m 1s): Do you feel about that? You sent that to me. Well, I'm think machine is a loose word. Right? It's all crystals. It's like a device. Yeah. A device can 

Speaker 2 (13m 9s): Be turned on December 21st, 

Speaker 1 (13m 11s): Which is interesting. That's winter Equinox, solstice, winter solstice. And also I've had a couple like sessions where they feel like we're going to really be at this apex until December 21st. And that's kind of the shift changing point. And I'm like, yeah, that's interesting. 

Speaker 2 (13m 31s): Did you read about the crystalline heart? Well, I read the 

Speaker 1 (13m 34s): Article, remind me of the crystalline heart. So if 

Speaker 2 (13m 36s): I remember correctly, it talked to about how an or the, that this device would be turned on, but that was know 

Speaker 1 (13m 43s): The intention and frequency of those who are sending it out. Right. 

Speaker 2 (13m 46s): You would it be turned on through sound, which is fascinating because if you think about the, the scenes and they had their, their doorways, it was through sound and it was through sound that they would open these passageways, same thing with that device. Oh. And scenes, this scenes, like my Magdalene, you know, same thing with that device that a, it was talked about by Darren Voluma. in his book. I think it's the heart, it's something around the heart, the device that dissipated pollution was through. 

Yeah. Through Reiki, through energetics. And so it's fascinating that this device is supposedly turned on through sound through in each nation. And then it works only through a collective consciousness of a crystalline heart, which is a pure, essentially a pure heart. And what that looks like and, and means could, could be a thousand different things. Yeah. But you really is a unified heart of love of consciousness of that lov frequency. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (14m 46s): I remember it saying it was gonna send out a frequency through the lay lines of the planet, you know? Yeah. Who, who knows? I know there's that part of me that goes, yes, that sounds like the best scifi movie ever. And I wanted it to be real and true. And on one level it is. Right. Yeah. And whether or not that's our experience. I don't know. But I think for me, that is, 

Speaker 2 (15m 8s): It comes back to, I know for me personally, the whole idea of progression our Ascension, which I don't like those words, but at the end of the day, we're all trying to come, come to this place of something, right. This Oneness mindset. And I'm reading the Magdalene manuscripts where Yahshua actually talks about. And there's a, there's a paragraph in there that says dissecting a little bit more of what he says when the father and I are one, he is actually talking about an aspect of his spirit body that has nothing to do with the father outside of him. 

It's his Oneness that he now it comes in complete alignment, two and embodies in the physical form. And I feel like that is essentially if all of us could really collectively say what we're all wanting, especially those that are awakened Conscious. I would think that that really is what everyone is after that it would be a crystalline heart, which would be that Oneness that, you know, in five di we can manifest anything in a second right now, if that was the case. Can you imagine what we'd be chaos while its kind of happening on the planet? 

Speaker 1 (16m 13s): Yeah. I'm feeling it is more, yeah. I feel like manifest, manifesting is so much quicker now because I'm more intentional with it and trusting it. Right. Yeah. So when I speak it's it is casting spells. It is as powerful. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I feel to do that. What's fascinating to me is, is this just another layer of a matrix? You know what I mean is just another layer of allusion. Is it just another level of a game, you know, of a yeah. 

What is it called virtual reality that were all spinning In and playing because were choosing to, because it's fun with, this brings me to 

Speaker 2 (16m 58s): A little bit, I, I, last night I said to Travis, we were talking about, you know, we just put out our podcast that was talking about soulmates and twin flames. And I, and I was on my Facebook, my personal Facebook when I posted it, you know, I've a friend that she is very much into twin flames. So I was expecting her to post and she's brilliant in a lot of her ways and, and it holds very tightly to it. And her experience has been her experience. And if there's so much truth in that and, and yet I find myself, so not attached to all of that as well. And I, I spoke to that in the podcast and w the reason why this has coming to mind again, is 

Speaker 1 (17m 34s): There is a potential 

Speaker 2 (17m 35s): That we are in an incarnation loop. And We tying to a little bit of when we talked about reptilians and all of that. And I don't know if you saw Elizabeth April talk about, she had this big download as far as, especially the children that are abused, that the reptilians knew how to put them into a karmic loop. Sure. They want to add to these, these lifetimes after a lifetime's, where they are, ritualistically abused. And even in this, with what you're talking about, you know, is it possible in the matrix sense of the matrix that we see kind of are in this incarnation loop until we become aware enough to step out, become aware enough to where we're not going to choose, we could choose to consciously go back in for whatever reason, but were a lot more awake. 

We are a lot more like a Buddha or Jesus or, or whatever. When we see incarnate, because we've consciously come to a level two where we've stepped out of reacting to the matrix, to the paradigms, which to me also goes in line with twin flames and soulmates. 

Speaker 1 (18m 42s): And I'm, I'm going to offer this 

Speaker 2 (18m 45s): Just so you guys can, since you can't see our vows over here grinning the whole time, and she's like, , 

Speaker 1 (18m 51s): I think it comes back to, we polarized polarize ourselves that our truth is the truth. And it doesn't have to be that way. Like the fact that you do not resonate with twin flames and soulmates and Soul Contracts, and that is part of a karma CallLoop that you're choosing Our in this lifetime. That was awesome. And that doesn't mean, but it doesn't mean that that has to be an absolute truth across the board for everyone. You know what I mean? We agreed. And it doesn't negate that that doesn't happen or that it's somehow less than what it is. 


Speaker 2 (19m 26s): Right. And that, and I'm not saying that I don't believe in it because I very much had experiences and I shared some last Episode, you know, do it, does my partner. And I do, we have a Soul connection. There is no question, but it is it. I would, and I know For, I've seen this and I know you've seen this. Like, you see people, who've had an extremely toxic relationships that were twin flame for me, whatever they want to call it. My, I think there's absolute truth in it. And that's why I, even with my friend that had posted it's like her experience, there's no doubt that that has her experience and that she believes this was her twin flame. 

And I've had another friend that is like, Oh, you need to see them together. You'll see it. And I think that's stunning and beautiful. And that's her experience. And I think my whole point and the reason why, and I was talking again, when I sent to train and I'm like, God, it might just be in a cynic about this, or is it just a different level of awareness? And in my experience, right, when we were talking about it, and there's a possibility that both are true, just like there's truth in her experience. There's truth in mine. There's two ways in everything that we're saying. But again, it is for me, it's that fairytale piece. 

If we believe so strongly that there's our soulmate out there, and there are twin flame out there, will we, will we go looking for that person to the point where we, we, we kind of push away other people that have been an amazing partner in our lives, would we be, you know, link in to, or jump into a relationship? Like I have thinking that that was the fairy tale, because that's what it felt like or whatever the whole 

Speaker 1 (20m 58s): Cool. And then negate the personal, like 

Speaker 2 (21m 2s): Sacrificing myself for the sake of this relationship, because that's all right. Does that make it? 

Speaker 1 (21m 8s): Absolutely. And you and I have different experience. So for me, I'm just a witness to what is true for you. And for me, that's, wouldn't be what I, that wouldn't be my process for me. It is a more Conscious awakened place to choose a partner that I'm going to resonate and vibrate at such a level with that I can be completely in my sovereignty rather than the loops I've done of losing myself. So that's pretty interesting that we have such, it's almost like polar opposite beliefs around what that means to be in a twin flame relationship. 

Speaker 2 (21m 49s): So this actually kind of loops into last podcast. We talked about really those moments of wind to know how to step out of relationships, right? You, one of the dive into that, or are you sure? 

Speaker 0 (22m 4s): You know, my God, 

Speaker 1 (22m 5s): I've come to decide that my existence is around relationships. And I was reading something about the nations. If you will, people are from Venus. I have very strong Venusian energy. It is about relationships. And so it makes sense. I'm a lover. 

Speaker 2 (22m 24s): Yeah. You and I are very similar, actually. You and I are very, very similar that yes we are. Yes. And relationships. Cause I thought it was interesting that you asked me last podcast, like, well, why do we, you know, why would you choose the, was it was interesting to see what you would say. Yeah. I was like, well, that's an interesting question for you to ask. Cause I know that you are very much wired to have the relationships that I am for the most part. I think most of us are, if not all I remember, you know? 

Speaker 1 (22m 51s): Yeah. And I were having a conversation once and I was like, I just love to be in Love and you are, and then another conversation, you said the exact same thing. 

Speaker 0 (22m 58s): I do love to be in the room. 

Speaker 2 (23m 0s): Yeah. I remember sitting, I was with my mom actually. And I was in between the relationships that I was kind of seen this guy and he and I, I go in quick, like, I'm one that it was a whole three months until I met Travis, you know, it was like, and that was a stretch like forever 

Speaker 0 (23m 17s): When I met with him for months and months, 

Speaker 2 (23m 22s): Which is ridiculous on some levels. And there's the inner judgement that I have. And yet that's just my, that was my reality. That's and I do move fast in general. Yeah. But I was sitting with my mom and she's like, so 

Speaker 0 (23m 35s): You're dating another guy you already. And I'm like, Oh, we're just hanging out. And I don't know, 

Speaker 2 (23m 40s): She is saying something. And I'm like, mom, I think I just love, love. And she didn't know how to respond that. How do you respond 

Speaker 1 (23m 46s): To that? Yeah. But yeah. I don't 

Speaker 2 (23m 51s): Know if we want to dive into that or not. It's been, 

Speaker 1 (23m 55s): I feel like, yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. I love love too. And it's interesting to explore the different facets of love and the different ways we can Love and the, so we can love and kind of to what we were talking about this last podcast of loving someone of the opposite sex and still have it be appropriate to be the same sex too. Yeah. Or, yeah. Yeah. But specifically, specifically in that context, loving someone and have it still be appropriate for a relationship and boundaries and marriage and commitments and all of the things, but as still allowing yourself to Love. 

Yeah. That's an interesting, interesting journey. So you 

Speaker 2 (24m 42s): Were married for how long? 

Speaker 1 (24m 44s): Just shy. We split just before our 20th anniversary, but it was a long time. Yeah. And we, so back in the BYU days I met in July and it was fast and furious. We were engaged by October and married by December. Yeah. So five months of knowing a person of, yeah. Crete is crazy. I looked at it with my brain now and I was like, what the f**k? And it was such a part of the paradigm, right? 

A As Mormons. You can have sex before you were married. So I feel like that is a huge piece of why people get married. So young is because you're horny and you wanted to have sex. And they are such shame attached too, such a natural human expression. So 

Speaker 2 (25m 34s): I don't know, Patrick and I started talking online cause he lived in Germany and I was here in Utah talk in July, we met an August, we were married or engaged by September and married in November. And we'd had sex that we were more men, but we had sex before we got married. We were knotty. You, you, you know, we were in the, Oh no, you can't get married in the temple. Yeah. So I think it's more common. I don't know. I think if we thought we could live together, maybe we would have done that. Except for when you're young. You romanticize marriage and family. 

Yeah. So what was your 

Speaker 1 (26m 8s): W why is it to say we were definitely in the Bishop's office a few times before our wedding and that's probably why we got married so quick. We didn't have sex, but pretty damn close. And I mean, other complicated things, I'd a missionary out. I think I didn't want to face that. So that was part of it. And I love love in this. Oh, here's this amazing man that is going to rescue me and I'm going to sweep me off my feet and solve all my problems and I'm in a rescue. 

Him and yeah. 

Speaker 2 (26m 40s): So what was your moment when you knew it was done? Oh, 

Speaker 1 (26m 45s): That's a hard one. There were a lot of choice points along the road from the very beginning because we came in really misalignment. Yeah. You know, really misalignment flags early on looking back. Yes, absolutely. I mean the day, my wedding, the morning I was getting married, my mom came down into my room and she's like, are you sure you want to do this? 

And there was that a little bit of hesitation and the thought was, I can't cancel today. Right. Because what would you even think everyone thinks? And I believed in it, like, I don't want to sell short. I really hesitate with this because I, I don't want to sell short 20 years or for someone that was so much growth, so much beauty, so much love five children. Like we grew up together. Really. I was in 19, he was 22, you know, fresh from his mission. 

And we grew up together. And that morning I stood in that place of a choice point of this is fast. Am I, am I sure? Right. All these people are coming. We've already spent all this money. I'm I'm going for it. And I made a conscious choice. I really did it. Wasn't like, I never thought about it, but there was a part of me that went, no, I don't want this, this isn't what I want. And yet I chose it. 

Speaker 2 (28m 21s): I find, I feel like, and in my experience and other people that I've talked to, especially when you're young, you almost, unless you have a very strong personality. Cause I do know of one woman, girl who she did choose out and after she was engaged and I was so proud of her on like good God, that takes a lot of courage to do. And I know in my experience and looking back with the same thing, I was a 21 and there was a moment I had several flags, but you're almost just going with the flow for me because everything around me was saying, yes, you know, keep doing this, keep going for it. 

Of course. Yep. Go get married. Did and in fact, there, I remember we got sealed later and, and sealed is a thing that you do in the temple when you're a Mormon. And we got sealed later because we couldn't get Mary in the temple. For those of you who don't understand Mormonism, 

Speaker 1 (29m 18s): Even that is huge. You know what I mean? There's such shame around that 

Speaker 2 (29m 22s): By parents were okay with it. And that's what was the kicker? Like, why me, why this one, you were okay with it, but not with my previous. 

Speaker 1 (29m 29s): Yeah. That is interesting to see fit their narrative of what was appropriate for their daughter. Yeah. And 

Speaker 2 (29m 36s): Are you a member? There's a part where, when you're being sealed, your now husband pulls you through the veil that they have. You know, everything is very symbolic in the Mormon religion. And when he pulled me through, I had, I had, I was seeing my previous fiance and not my now husband. And I was like, what the hell is that? And it was one of those things. It's like, how do you shake that? Yeah. That there were, I don't know. And then you go through and you have, I'm like, you're saying, you don't want it to you. 

Can't go back. You can't change the past. But I think it's always interesting to look back and go, huh, I could have made a different choice here and I could have made a different choice here and, and my intention with this. And I think what we were talking about last time, especially w we get locked in to relationships, you were in for 20 years, I was in for 11. And you do get to a point to where that is a heart. What we could have been a hard in the beginning, it would have been less hard. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (30m 34s): Especially in the Mormon paradigm. Right. Because you're making a covenant, a sacred promise to God. It's really not. Even with your partner, it's with God, your at an altar. And there is a representative, God, that's sealing you together or creating this binding contract. And as with God, right. I mean that, that's a fuel time and eternity. Yeah. And not only for you like the H they have these mirrors that reflect each other. And then they told us specifically, look through these mirrors and see the generations of time that are affected by your choice, backwards and forwards. 

Like that is a mind. F**k you. Like, what's the, 

Speaker 2 (31m 14s): Okay, so here's the kicker or not the kicker. So this is what's fascinating. I don't know if I shared this with you or not, but when in my shop in school, when I was learning from a practitioner, there's different realms that we travel the travel through. And in our existence, in our understanding, regardless of your belief system, people hold onto some truth of weather. Even if they don't believe in God, they have just to avoid that. They believe in as far as they dye and then that's it. And that's true for them. So that exists. People who believe in hell, that's true for them that exists. 

People that believe in heaven, you know? Yup. So as a shopper, we are, that's how powerful we are. Well, so, and I don't know if I shared this. So we were just sitting in class, we were talking about Contracts Soul Contracts and things like that. And, and I think I touched on this a little bit last episode, but I brought up, I said, you know, when I'm working with people that are Mormon, because there's a lower world. And usually that's where a lot of the Soul Contracts are anchored and, you know, then we know how to go through and, and essentially break them and pull out the roots and things. 

But Mormonism is the only religion that is incurred in the upper realms, other religions or in the under world. And then in the low, in the underworld, the lower, the lower realms. Yeah. I'm in the lower rooms represent our subconscious things like that. But Mormonism, the only one that is anchored and in the higher realms and As Danielle, Danielle has been practicing, practicing this for years. Yeah. I hope this is okay to share. I feel like it is the way that the celestial kingdom yeah. 

That has been subconsciously bought into and consciously bought into, by millions of people exists in the energetics. Oh, I'm sure 

Speaker 1 (32m 60s): It does. Oh my gosh. It's like, I'm sure it doesn't, it, it was 

Speaker 2 (33m 2s): Fascinating. And when you're talking about these covenants and when they're talking about the binding, there are literally like, it's a handhold and you do go through and you unbind and UN unravel, and what's fascinating. Two is what I'm learning is it, it blocks people from their gifts, these covenants, these ordinances, the things that they have made and the Mormon temples. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (33m 31s): It keeps them from their sovereignty because you can not be controlled if you're a sovereign being and religion is about control. 

Speaker 2 (33m 38s): So it's fascinating on the one hand and in is extremely, I don't know what the lever level and yeah, because it's, Conscious right. Yeah. But it's so Conscious in the energetic. So this is, you know, its so it's fascinating at what can be created because the energetics are so palpable and fascinating. And even though we can't quote unquote, see it in the physical here and now I can't touch it. It is. So what's the word has so much mass to it and so much for holding and so much binding and 

Speaker 1 (34m 14s): Well, that's why it was so important to me when we left the Mormon church and I was still married at that point to remove my name from the records of the church and do an energetic cord cutting. And those were some, those were some really deep giant that I had been tuned into, you know, that I had consciously chosen. Right. And I feel like that is why go into the temple 

Speaker 2 (34m 38s): Is so pushed as a whole 

Speaker 1 (34m 43s): In the religion. 'cause every time you go, your making these promises, you are making these covenants. Women are subservient. Like you are, you are consciously choosing in to something you probably really don't understand. 

Speaker 2 (34m 57s): Right. I understand now it more than it did when I was going through it. And again, it's kind of similar to what we're talking about when you're younger and you're just kind of going through the motions because everyone tells you, this is the, this is the path to happiness. And that is essentially what religion does as well. And it's interesting that we're getting off on this tangent, but you know, even the children's hymns and things like that, going back in and looking at them and re you know, seeing them and like, I used to be able to sing the hymns, even in the In when I would go back for whatever, you know, cause my family is still mostly Mormon. 

I used to be okay because I miss singing and things like that. But then you start really listening to the words and paying to what you're singing. And again, when we're talking about energetics and the intonation is in the singing, its like it is insidious it's so there's so many levels and layers there. And yet 

Speaker 1 (35m 50s): One on another layer, if it creates happiness in your life, it creates purpose in your life. It creates positive connections in your life. And that may be what your life is about. Go for it. It does have a place until you wake up and you go, yeah, that's not for me anymore. Now I want to be a sovereign being. And what's fascinating about it is that's one of the doctrines of the LDS church is that we are all God's and that we are ascending to be like, God, right. 

And then one day we will be like, God, but we're not now. Yeah. Yeah. And it tastes, it always tastes me back to the sermon of King Benjamin that no matter what you do or how great you become or how much you sacrifice, you will always still not be 

Speaker 2 (36m 36s): Enough. Right? Yeah. Yeah. We're imperfect. That's why you can get baptized and all sorts of things. But to what you were saying earlier, as far as I was very, I L you know, when I left to, it was kind of, it was never, and we talked about this on our stories with leaving. I did the same thing, you know, went through and did any cord cutting it, removed my records from the church, did all of that. And then years later I was shocked when I did a session with Danielle and there was still binding there in the Astros. And then I was like, yes, please remove that. 

You know? Eh, anyway. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (37m 12s): Yeah. So it's interesting. It was. And after getting divorced, even because it is an energetic cording, when you choose to marry someone and in that, in that setting, in the temple, again, those chords are being connected. And so that was also important for me to energetic, not only just physically, physically separate, but energetically separate and cut those cords, 

Speaker 2 (37m 36s): That's him. And that is a big reason why a lot of people have a hard time in my experience. And even in my personal experience with choosing out of a marriage, there's that binding there. And at the time I was Mormon, when I chose out of it, I'm breaking up my family. What does this mean were supposedly seeled for all the time and eternity. What happens to my kids, all of these, what ifs and all of the fear points on our side of judgment of what my family is going to think and judgment of all those pieces. 

I know for me, mine was layered two, like actually a for me, I was grateful. I had shut off a lot at me for a long time, for me to what's ironic. And this is something totally a site say, no, I had chopped my hair. I had really short hair for a very long time. And when I was trying to grow it out, I put extensions in an all of a sudden I found myself again, that was the weirdest thing. And then in the, around the same time, my ex and I started working together and that when things started turning on for me, yeah. 

As far as I was starting to tap into some things that I was already very innately wise with my ex was a very belittling, very condescending, very emotionally abusive of how stupid and dumb I was always pushing me down. And here I'm in an environment that actually feels very natural and is part of my wiring. It's like, no, I'm not wait a minute. I'm not any of those things that you've been telling me that I have been for years. And then some of the things choices he started doing, I started seeing him more and who he actually was. And it was like a big, like what on earth? 

And who did I marry? And what, what have I been allowing to happen in my home for so long? Like there was, it was the layers of me and turning it on and having more awareness until for me one day it was, I have really been asking to see clearly. And I had been going through layers. Did cord cutting, Did all sorts of things and had a moment where we were somewhat separated and I had left to go for a drive and I came home and my ex gets on my face of where were you? 

Why didn't you tell me where you're going? Like I owed it to him somehow. And I'm got right, like the intimidating, trying to get right in my face. And our oldest son was in the room and my son started trying, defending me to do, and then my ex started while your mom should be like, brought him into the, the fight. And I had this flashback moment of all the things that had kind of happened in our, especially with our son of things he'd witnessed and been a part of. And in that moment, it was like, this is an, I'm not teaching my child, that this is what a healthy relationship looks like. 

And so when it, it went from, what am I doing to breaking up the family of how are my kids are going to react to this to, I need to do this for my children so that they know that fighting like this and behaving like, this is not okay. Yeah. And that, that was ultimately where I'm like, I'm done and I'm not doing this anymore. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (40m 38s): Yeah. Those choice points. Right. Like when I look back at it to be really fair, I married a really good man. I did. And we were young and we had a lot of growing up to do and we grew up together and it was hard. It was really hard because we didn't have the time to know each other, really outside of that commitment of marriage. And maybe that's what kept us together as the commitment of marriage. Right. Because I'm such a family centered person. 

And I held that ideal of family so high in my value system. And I mean, my parents had been married 55 years. So I mean for good or bad, right. That's commitment. And my mom did say when I was engaged, Divorce is an option. Like when you get married, divorce is not an option. So it really back it wasn't, people didn't 

Speaker 2 (41m 34s): Get divorced. 

Speaker 1 (41m 35s): No. Yeah. And it was her way of I'm sure. Navigating some through some s**t or through some hard things because that's marriage, right. It is, it is a contract. 

Speaker 2 (41m 46s): Relationships can be challenging. Can be, yeah, 

Speaker 1 (41m 49s): I'm calling in some different now, but I feel like Robin, I had Soul Contracts and that's why we were together. And it was to bring the five beautiful children into our lives and the Contracts we have with each of them. And I grew so much in that marriage and I'm grateful that I did marry someone that was willing to show up and do his own work. And it was, it was a give and take. And sometimes it was way more giving on my part. 

And sometimes it was way more taking on my part, you know, because that's a significant journey to be married to another person. Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (42m 29s): I actually, for a lot of like 20 years is a long time and you change and you know, you're a person changes with you or they don't, and that's it 

Speaker 1 (42m 36s): Ultimately, that's what happened right. Over, over our path and journey. And I know I'm sure leaving the Mormon church was a catalyst for that. Because once you step out of that paradigm of how you should be stepping out of the box, you start looking at who am I? Who am I in this world? Really? What is my authentic self? And like you said, you had that choice point of with your hair, you know, feeling coming back into yourself, which I think is fascinating. I was listening to this. It was a novel about witches, but they talked about how hair is your wisdom. 

And so it is your like authentic wisdom. And so that's why a lot of indigenous cultures, which is whatever they have their hair long. 

Speaker 2 (43m 17s): Well, and I have a friend Holly who said she has been playing with my hair more like, notice if you pull your hair up where your thought, how your thinking is versus when it's down anyway. So a lot with hair. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (43m 29s): It totally, but leaving that paradigm of this is what our marriage should be. This is what our relationship should be. This is who we should be and giving ourselves permission to really start being authentic. That was the beginning of our past separating. Yeah. Really allowing ourselves to be who we were rather than for years trying to fit something that we weren't, which was more monism, you know, and the idea of what this family looks like. 

And it was, there were some really hard things because we came from such different backgrounds, such different values, such a different belief systems. And some things were really important to me that he could care less about. And some things were really important to him that I just didn't resonate with, but yet we still choose to lose ourselves. And I don't think it was just me to fit that relationship. And then you have children, you know, that you're wanting to create a really good, safe, stable home for her. 

And yeah, so it's, it's a complicated thing. It's really complicated, but I feel like stepping down that path of authenticity and really allowing ourselves to be true to who we were, and then ultimately It, I mean, some painful things happened to expose the depth of how different we were ultimately it, it gave us freedom. Yeah. You know, I gave us freedom to then separate to our lives in that capacity and choose consciously how we're connected. 

And that is, as parents were co-parents and we're great friends. And I think every day that we can be friends because it affects our children at affects us as people. And hopefully I hope that it has a positive effect on other people that we can choose a different experience with Divorce so that it doesn't always have to be ugly. It doesn't always have to be selfish. It doesn't always have to be hurt filled, but deep healing can happen. So that I love Rob, but I'm not in love with Rob and that's okay. 

And we can separate our lives and still have that love between us and be happy for the other person's happiness, you know? 

Speaker 2 (45m 55s): Yeah. And I think, and we've talked about this before, your conscious uncoupling was very Conscious. It was a lot more than most people. Although I do feel like that is a shift that's happening. I do. And I can do to which I'm grateful for it in my experience, in my, you know, past several relationships, that was not the case. You know? And, and, and specifically with my children's dad, I was the one who said I was done and to save face, he started spreading rumors that I cheated on him, which has not even close to true. 

And that's not why our marriage ended. And, you know, it was in order to have the conscious uncoupling, you have to have a Conscious partner. Yeah. You know, when I was stepping more into the energetics and I wanted to start meditating, you would laugh at me. You know, there was never any support of who I was and the respect of who I was. And so there was not, you know, there's, it's funny because he has this whole thing around respect, which, you know, you respect me because I'm your husband and I'm, you know, and there's, so there's that negative aspect that he actually his and throw it, he throws to my kids to all the time. 

And yet there's a level of truth there, you know, respect is earned and there is respect and mutual respect for each other as human beings that ought to happen in a partnership, any kind of relationship really. And that just was never there. And so our divorce was very challenging and, you know, it's still challenging. There's still, there's not the that I had for him and him, for me. I know he loved me, but I do feel like I was targeted. And, you know, it was an American and I seem to have things that he always wanted in his life. 

And I feel very strongly. I was targeted, which is a challenging thing to admit to yourself later on in life. And what do you do with that? And, and, you know, like you're saying, there's always Contracts as far as, and maybe there's always experiences that we are choosing to have. So now I have that experience. I've gone through it. We have our beautiful children, and now they're learning experiences because he's their dad, I'm their mother. And so I, I've definitely made my peace with it. And it ebbs and flows. And there's times where it's still very challenging. 

And the kicker too with this was a, because there was a lot of emotional abuse that had happened. It took a long time for me to really get to a place to where I could step so fully out of the relationship to see more of what he was doing and how to navigate it. It took a long time. And I feel like anybody who is in any kind of unhealthy relationship with there has been some sort of abuse yeah. Is hard when you first get out of it. And it's hard to know how to navigate. It's not that, you know, like your talking about you guys, how did you have a great relationship? 

I would say that's maybe 5%, maybe 5% of divorces that are like that most of the time it's bitter, it's negative, it's ugly. It's, you know, and it gets challenging to know how to navigate it. Yeah, 

Speaker 1 (49m 0s): Absolutely. And honestly, it takes two people, right. You never, we would never be in this place if it was just one of us. Right. And then if one of us decided that the bitterness or the anger or the hurt was more important than forgiving and seeing from a big picture of what's in service here and letting that go and doing your own healing work. Cause I couldn't do his healing work. Right. And he can't do my healing work. So the fact that we both chose that it is remarkable and I am so grateful. 

Like I don't understand it. And I'm so grateful for it. Right. You know? Yeah. And I understand that is not, it's really not the way for a lot of people. So I get it. 

Speaker 2 (49m 48s): I mean, I've been married, like I've said before or four times, none of my relationships and relationships ended positively, not one. Yeah. You know, and to the point to where I have to completely cut them out. And I think, you know, one of the reasons I think my intention of kind of bringing this up is, is really For, it is hard to make that choice point to step out. It is challenging because regardless of, I mean, there's a myriad of, of reasons for why it's hard, whether it's, I don't know how I would support myself financially if I did. 

And a lot of relationships, the man intentionally their person in that corner to where they are dependent and reliant upon their partner. Right. Or it's because what would my family thinks? What is it going to do to the family system? And I think with everything that you and I ever talk about, it's always coming back to the Self, what do I need? What do I want? How can I be happy? And because if you're not any of those things, you're children are learning from you. And if you're choosing into that, they're going to choose into that in their life. I mean, I've seen it over and over again, especially with people on my table. 

Like it's crazy. The patterns that play out, you'll have mothers who get pregnant at 16 years old and decide to keep the baby. And they are taught their daughters do the same and it follows paths and its fascinating. And I know that, you know, a lot about this, especially with the family constellations. So it was kind of one of those, what are you choosing for your kids, but not in a, I'm going to sacrifice myself to stay in this family because that's what, you know, society and society is changing. That's interesting. 

Speaker 1 (51m 26s): Can you say that because it was, that was a conscious choice for me because I don't feel it's in service to the family to stay in a situation that is unhappy and is dying. Right? Like in a lot of ways I was dying right on because I wasn't a full expression of me and at nor could I be in that relationship. 

Speaker 2 (51m 49s): So choosing 

Speaker 1 (51m 51s): To step out of the thing that I most treasured in life was a conscious choice because I wanted Mike, I wanted to break that belief system. That Divorce is in an option right now that you give everything of you, including your soul for a partnership. And that does not resonate as truth for me. And I wanted to end that for my family system because there's been so much heartache, there has been so much abuse. There has been so much loss of self because of that ridiculous belief. 

I I'm gonna call it that. I think it's ridiculous DNA. Yeah. It helps me. 

Speaker 2 (52m 28s): We held in the DNA and that's, what's fascinating and know, 

Speaker 1 (52m 32s): I mean, whether or not that comes through the Mormon side, cause my mom was the Mormon side probably like is that part of that contractual binding that comes through the Mormon faith? 

Speaker 2 (52m 43s): I think it's just how in the DNA or whatever the 'cause in, in client sessions that I've done. Even when there isn't a religion, I'm like, Oh I'm thinking of one in particular, he was choosing into a, an abusive relationship. And I felt her mom, I said, is your, is it it's you know, it was her mom was to be entitled, repeated. Yeah. It was definitely through the genetics and yeah, I think it, I think that that is, and I love that your, your point with you do, you do want to give your partner and the relationship, every opportunity you can to change. 

And I know for me, I did do that. You know, we did go to therapy, we did do several things. And I remember my therapist at one point I felt like I was getting so vulnerable in this space with him of really communicating how I felt, what I needed more so than I'd ever been able to. And he, his response was I needed to, I need to pee. I'll be right back. And he left the room and the therapist turns to me and I, I think I, I'm trying to remember her saying something to her With I don't know what to do because at this point I'm getting, I was getting to a point to where I was revolted by him. 

And she said, if he were to that point, there's no turning back. And she goes, you have tried to communicate over and over. And he is, has an N he's incapable of hearing you. Yeah. And that was one of those moments. Have I was grateful that he had somebody to validate, you know, okay, if you are at this point, it's almost impossible to really turn around and try and then have a loving relationship. And he's not hearing you or your partner can hear you, but to your point, I did I for me, I felt like I gave everything that I could do it and tried it and gave him every opportunity. 

Yeah, absolutely. 

Speaker 1 (54m 33s): Really. I think a lot to, it was a really good realization for me to come to that. I'm never going to be the partner that Robb needs or deserves. Yes. Because of our I'm the way we interacted to with each other, the lights are just the M what's the word, the resonance between us. I could never show up for him and the way he deserved. And so in a way it was almost selfish for me to stay in that contract. 

'cause then he's never a, it creates this imbalance. Like he's never going to have this partner that is going to love him in the way that he deserves to be loved. And I'm always going to feel like I am not good enough for him. And really all it is is it's a, a, a, an attunement, like in a resonant mismatch. It's a, it's just, yeah. And that doesn't mean that I'm a bad person or he's a bad person. It just means that were not, we don't have that magnetic, like just that we just weren't matching anymore. 

Yeah. And so that was kind of, that was kind of a huge thing to, to sit with. And of course, I went through the worthiness thing of like, what's wrong with me that I can't be who he needs me to be like, why am I lacking in that? And then it was like, Val, you're not lacking in anything is just a square peg and a round hole. Right. They're not going to fit. Right. And that was like this big, like, Oh, that was a big breath of, wow. 

Oh, no one has to be wrong. No one has to be bad. No, it is just, we don't fit anymore. That was huge. That was huge. It was like trying to put the wrong puzzle piece in the wrong space. 'cause it? Maybe it has similar patterns and colors, but it's never going to fit. Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (56m 24s): And I keep, I feel like I've talked about, I feel like I want you to know that's part of the reason why I struggle with the twin flames and you know, my past and I have spoken to it and a few different podcasts, but for the sake of, we don't expect everyone to be like your friend, who's listening to all of our phones. So I'm teasing, that's an inner joke. Anyway, when you're dealing with the partner, that is a very, very dysfunctional, an example, borderline personality disorder. 

They're brilliant. They know how to use it, you know how to manipulate. And there is an availability there that was within me that bought into it. Somehow wanting that. Yeah. There's that availability or else it wouldn't have attracted is that yes. And I know that about myself, which is a very cause I'm, you know, I sat with that for a long time of even writing my book, even though it's been years and I'm in a very healthy, happy, beautiful relationship. Now, there was still a level of why did I choose into this? And so writing my book actually helped me really get another layer of closure and healing that had happened. 

But the, in the beginning there was a lot of symbols, right? There was definitely a Soul resonance. He had an Infiniti tattoo on his wrist, which to me, I was, I was kept saying infinity symbols, everywhere. He was really into a sacred geometry. Here's a man that has this on and this isn't Travis, just so we're clear, you know, this is a past relationship unhealthy. Here's a, and here's a man who knew how to deeply Love knew how to link in to those fairy tale type is you and me against the world. And like that romanticized shadowy aspect that is out there that is actually very sexual. 

When you feel into it, there's a lot of sexual energetics behind it. And he was so good at what he did. And our relationship was fast and furious. And like I said, he was brilliant. And at night his demons would come out, but they only came out after we were living together and we were linked. He wanted to get engaged and married quickly, all of these pieces that had happened. And I a L I mean, I allowed it in, I, I brought it in and there then there's that savior part of me, that healing part of me that came out of, okay, we can work through this because he would have these moments to where, and he called him his demons. 

And I have, I know it's almost like the cognitive dissonance that you almost are like, what is it? What is happening? And I can't, I can't even put in, I know people whoever's listening that is experienced. This knows what I'm trying to explain that you can't really explain, but the disparaging comments he'd made it to me. All of the, you know, he'd bring in his exes. You don't love me. Like so-and-so Daryl tactic, right? Oh, it's so it's such a mind. F**k. And then the next day it would be all this loving don't ever leave me. 

I need you blah-blah-blah help me. Help me, help me. And I Did, I was grateful that I had done enough work to that point. And this is where my depression and when I was diagnosed with bipolar and I've got to really know my abs and flows, where I had a realization, things are starting to kind of shift for me. I'm trying to tell this story without getting, like, making it to long-winded. 

Essentially, I had a moment to where we started going to therapy. He started trying to control the therapist, which is a very common thing. For for this kind of behavior or a personality disorder. And we were actually in a store or something triggered him. He was always very jealous, very possessive. He throws his ring. We were in Michaels of all places. And I had gotten, so like, again, like we're doing this again. He threw his ring. He was like, I'm out of here. I get a good Jillian text messages. And at this point, like, there's a part of me. 

That's just shutting off. I pick up his rings, I keep shopping. He's taken off. He would just take off and start walking. And I left and I started driving home. And wherever he, I don't know where he was. I didn't give a s**t. And he's like, please come pick me up. All of the da tries to spin. It we'd go home. I fake a migraine cause he always wanted it. He was a very sexual needed sex all the time. When I knew he'd want to have sex, I was not in that space. So I fake a migraine. I go lay down and I had this huge awareness come over me and I could feel myself going down. 

I know you've heard the story. So I'm boring. You, you're not boring to me. I haven't heard this to. So, you know, really, I could feel myself dropping into this very dark pit that I've been to when I was in my depression. And I knew it and I was very familiar with this place, but I had the strongest awareness that if I kept choosing to be in this relationship, I would never come out of that pit. And that was the one when I was like, Oh f**k know. And then I picked out at the, at that time I had closed the door to most of my friends in my life, actually all my friends. 

Cause that's how he isolated me. And I allowed him and I picked up the phone and called the one person who I knew that would be nonjudgmental and very loving, which was Holly and Holly. And she said, I said, Holly don't know what to do. 'cause I love him. And she was like, of course you love him, loves everything. But, and that's when I had the moment that it didn't matter that I loved him. It matter that I love myself more. And that's when everything shook. Yeah. And that's the gift, right? That's the gift that came. That was one of the biggest out of all of my relationships. 

That was the most traumatic in the most that it was such a, like a like deep, Holy f**k. Like I chose me first. I chose me first. And when I do that everything else and he was one that I had to get a temporary restraining order with him. I had two, it's challenging to get out of unhealthy relationships. And thankfully he wasn't ever abusive. He punched walls and through things and did stuff like that. So there was that fear that he could, but he didn't. So I was grateful and I had to completely shut him out. 

Like, yeah, I have to block him. And I had to understand the way you can have their partners out there that are so mentally and afterwards, my brain had become so wired to the drama. I was a, it was probably a, maybe only a few weeks, maybe a month later I was laying in bed and I was craving It and I went, Holy s**t. That's when it was like, that was another layer of this is so real. With what happens in our brain mapping and the synopsis. 

And when we start creating these neural pathways, With bad with negative things. It was still there and it triggers chemical release is in the body. Yeah. So when we don't have it, all of a sudden our body is like we did. 

Speaker 1 (1h 3m 14s): Yeah. I need my fix. Where's the drama. How can I stir up drama today so I can get my fix. Yeah. And I was grateful again, that I had known. I knew that 

Speaker 2 (1h 3m 21s): I would, I had read some, a joy to spend on this stuff that really talks, he talked so much about that. Yeah. So I'm like, Oh, this is what that is. Okay. Nope. I'm not choosing into that because it was that moment of, Oh, maybe I need to pick up the phone and maybe I need to reengage. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. That, and those are the conscious choice points. And that's part of what, you know, there was no question. There was a Soul resonance, how he was linking into some of those pieces. Well, he, 

Speaker 1 (1h 3m 48s): You wouldn't have chosen in and less. There was something that was being met within you. And I say that with a greatest love and respect, you know, that I have that belief. Yeah. It is that to minimize your experience, but you somehow held a frequency that matched his, which is why you chose In. And perhaps just for the reason of choosing out when you did that and how you lessons that I learned, that's what I mean 

Speaker 2 (1h 4m 12s): Is the experience of being with you. I mean, yeah. I had some abuse with my first relationship and nothing like this. This is so bad. S**t crazy. 

Speaker 3 (1h 4m 21s): What's so crazy. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (1h 4m 23s): One other thing that you did is he isolated you from all of your friends, all of your supports. So we were all you have Valerie I was in your life at that time were all going what the fuck's happening and brought him into my business. And he, he see you, you closed your business because you, all of your closest support system was there. And so next thing we know that we're closing this, we're moving at home. It's just going to be a minute. 

Speaker 3 (1h 4m 46s): And we were like, okay, that's a part of me that wants to vomit. I know. And that's it 

Speaker 1 (1h 4m 52s): Looking back at it for me. So for me, being able to find grace for whatever I go through is to see it from a big picture claim. My piece of it, my responsibility of it. And then what else, what are the gifts? What are the gifts that came even in the painful, really hard yeah. Things. And that's my Practice and that's, and I have had to learn, like I've been in two significant relationships since my divorce over the six and a half years, we've been separated. 

I had to realize that I don't always get to stay friends with people because it's not in service and it creates more pain than it does. Love you know, so the first relationship that I ended, we, we we're two and a half years into it. We'd been engaged for a year. We live together for a year and a half, all these things trying to maintain a friendship. And there was just too much hurt on it, on his side. And so that it would come back abusive to me. And I was just like, Nope, this is my boundary. 

So such a gift to learn boundaries, speaking my truth, you know, standing in this, isn't going to work for me. Like I was terrified to end that relationship because he did have some explosive anger that would trigger my wounding for my dad, you know? And it was kind of that same thing, like standing in my power and really saying, no I'm done. You know? So, and then realizing like, As, we both tried, this is not going to serve us to try to be friends. 

I need to separate this, you know, and disconnect this and send you on your way with love. And really when I end those, Contracts when I cut those ties, it's always with love and appreciation 

Speaker 2 (1h 6m 45s): From what they've brought up a really good about that. Well, 

Speaker 1 (1h 6m 47s): Is it shame? It's an alchemy piece, right? It's an all coming piece and appreciation creates expansion, right. And whether or not he is holding that vibration, it doesn't matter. That's the resonance I choose for myself because then I'm not going to be connected in a dysfunctional way. You know, in a low vibration appreciation is one of the highest vibrations right. In the experience. And if I'm angry, if I hate him, if I, you know, whatever I'm connected in a very low vibrational place and no thank you. 

Right. No, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we probably should. I know. And those are the 

Speaker 2 (1h 7m 27s): Casts and I was just thinking, I'm like, I wonder what are asked should be, and I, I feel like our ask is just one of those pieces that if you think, and wonder if you are in an unhealthy relationship, really the ask is, ask yourself and ask spirit, ask universe to help you see more clearly. That's huge. I think that's the first step. Just allow me to see more clearly. And then you navigate through that and maybe you guys can come together in a different way or maybe it's time to end it. 

Who knows? But that I think is the starting the starting point 

Speaker 1 (1h 8m 2s): When it, it may even be, I see myself more clearly, clearly, right. Because we'll see, you know, 

Speaker 2 (1h 8m 7s): In a relationship more clearly, you can not see yourself. Yeah. You can see all, what can we bring it 

Speaker 1 (1h 8m 12s): In the different things out in different people. Right. And so my dynamic where someone going to be some very 

Speaker 2 (1h 8m 16s): Different with someone else's dynamic because of the frequency we hold between us. And so how can I see mine? Is this the person I wanted to be? And is this person, the person I wanted to be with you based on the person that I am when I'm shy, when I'm with them, you know? Yeah. And yeah, I think yes. Yes, yes. And yes. And so, because of everything for me personally, that I've gone through with a lot of painful, s****y, whatever it didn't bless you. It did allow me to align and connect with a beautiful partner. 

You know, we've had some challenges, but it's like, you know how to navigate it. Well, it's not even, it's easier to navigate because you have a partner that's able to meet you. And it has mutual. You guys have a mutual respect from me, each other, the law, you know, everything's there. And so I have been extremely grateful and appreciative for him and the relationship that I have now, it's like, okay, it made, it made all this, all of this work that you know. So anyway, it's, I love watching you guys together. 

You can hear it a cute, well, then I go, yeah. It gives me hope. That's for sure. I'll sending you guys all so much love as always and gratitude For for your support. And in listening to us, we hope something resonated. Have a beautiful weekend. 

Speaker 0 (1h 9m 38s): Thank you so much for joining us today and spending some of your valuable time with us. We hope there was something that you gained in your awareness that you can now share into the world. Remember you are a divine creator. So what are you creating today? Come check us out on Instagram. Finding Oneness In Duality we'd love to hear your feedback. We would love to hear from you. Please feel free to come check us out or relationships or two sided. So it can be the other side. it's two long. Thank you so much. Okay. You gotta set Love Oh, you got it. You had to pull it out in laughter as good for the soul. Alright. 

Speaker 2 (1h 10m 31s): That squirrel. Okay.