Finding Oneness In Duality

Relationships with loved ones can be tricky! Can we navigate them gracefully?

May 07, 2020 Inanda Joy & Valerie Season 1 Episode 6
Relationships with loved ones can be tricky! Can we navigate them gracefully?
Finding Oneness In Duality
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Finding Oneness In Duality
Relationships with loved ones can be tricky! Can we navigate them gracefully?
May 07, 2020 Season 1 Episode 6
Inanda Joy & Valerie

In this episode we do a deep dive into our exploration of boundaries, what that even means, how we know when our boundaries have been crossed, and what we do with it. In a vulnerable and raw discussion, we share some of the trickiest boundaries to navigate; boundaries with family members and our romantic partners....It's definitely a work in progress and evolves as we evolve.

Inanda shares that her boundaries with her family are constantly moving and evolving as she is in each situation and the challenge of figuring out when and how to hold a boundary with them. As things show up with her family, she looks at it and asks herself,  How do I want to hold my boundaries here? Her process keeps her in the present moment and allows the boundary to be fluid to fit the situation. 

Valerie has recently discovered that she can have boundaries with family members! Boundaries, or the lack of them, can come from conditioned beliefs around authority, tribal law, our childhood wounding, and inherited family belief systems, among other things. The lack of boundaries bumps up against living from our Sovereign Self and exercising our personal power and creating our own boundaries can be a practice of self love and safety.
When we practice holding our boundaries, we can come from a more aware place, practice seeing from different lenses, listen to what is being shared and perhaps agree to disagree, which ultimately holds our boundary as well as respecting other's boundaries. 
Our ask today is: Do you have boundaries and if so, how do you know when they have been crossed? What is your practice around navigating and holding healthy boundaries?
Give it a listen and send us your thoughts around holding healthy boundaries in your relationships. We would love to hear your feedback as we are definitely in a real and evolving practice of holding boundaries as an expression of self love and respect.

REFERENCES: To schedule with Christy Foster for an online or in person appointment you can find her at her website or email Her Facebook page is called Emotional Anatomy.
Full Court of Atonement was mentioned by Valerie as a way of clearing on the astral realms. More info can be found at and on Facebook under Court of Atonement.

Show Notes Transcript

In this episode we do a deep dive into our exploration of boundaries, what that even means, how we know when our boundaries have been crossed, and what we do with it. In a vulnerable and raw discussion, we share some of the trickiest boundaries to navigate; boundaries with family members and our romantic partners....It's definitely a work in progress and evolves as we evolve.

Inanda shares that her boundaries with her family are constantly moving and evolving as she is in each situation and the challenge of figuring out when and how to hold a boundary with them. As things show up with her family, she looks at it and asks herself,  How do I want to hold my boundaries here? Her process keeps her in the present moment and allows the boundary to be fluid to fit the situation. 

Valerie has recently discovered that she can have boundaries with family members! Boundaries, or the lack of them, can come from conditioned beliefs around authority, tribal law, our childhood wounding, and inherited family belief systems, among other things. The lack of boundaries bumps up against living from our Sovereign Self and exercising our personal power and creating our own boundaries can be a practice of self love and safety.
When we practice holding our boundaries, we can come from a more aware place, practice seeing from different lenses, listen to what is being shared and perhaps agree to disagree, which ultimately holds our boundary as well as respecting other's boundaries. 
Our ask today is: Do you have boundaries and if so, how do you know when they have been crossed? What is your practice around navigating and holding healthy boundaries?
Give it a listen and send us your thoughts around holding healthy boundaries in your relationships. We would love to hear your feedback as we are definitely in a real and evolving practice of holding boundaries as an expression of self love and respect.

REFERENCES: To schedule with Christy Foster for an online or in person appointment you can find her at her website or email Her Facebook page is called Emotional Anatomy.
Full Court of Atonement was mentioned by Valerie as a way of clearing on the astral realms. More info can be found at and on Facebook under Court of Atonement.

spk_0:   0:01
This is Inanda Joy and I'm Valerie. And we welcome you to the practice of living from your heart while finding oneness and duality 

spk_1:   0:20
 Ok, Val, tell us a joke. Okay. Actually had a really funny one. I can't remember now. So that is that they were work.

spk_1:   0:47
Oh, it was so funny too. Damn, I don't do well under pressure under pressure.

spk_0:   0:53
That's not true, actually. You do well under pressure. Unless it comes to telling jokes... And you put me on the spot in our last episode..."Take us through meditation." I'm like crap! Okay! I don't even know how really it turned out. I think I listen to it once after and it turned out fine.  And you were right in some aspects, cause when you don't shamans do that? Like I guess they do it's not something you're really taught, but I've taken a lot of people through meditations during session and a lot of guided because you're doing guided journeys.  But when you're sitting in a session in your doing a session, your especially with where I'm at right now on the practitioner training you're going through and you're looking for the binding so usually there's something up that someone wants to work on. It may be a relationship, or it may be something triggered, and it's sticking with you and you're feeling anger about it. Or it may be whatever it is or that limiting its finding, a limiting belief in your system that you're currently holding onto. And then it's a shaman. You go through and you check the chalk was like I'm I'm tracking to see where it's held in your body. And then we actually will have you all have you, Liam table to check the chakra, see where it's held there and then we work on moving the density through that chakra. So you're releasing the bind. You're going to the root of that releasing the density, you go through the energetic body, the mental emotional body, all timelines, you know, your clip clearing it really on all, even in the quantum realms. And then you bring in Saami, which is light, and but every session, like that's kind of the container. And then every session morphs into whether it's an entity extraction or it is. There have been some where I have felt led to do a guided. You know, you're here during what, and it just shows up with. However, it shows up for the client that's on the table, and that's been really cool with my the stepping into the practitioner in that vessel, I guess. I don't know how dough, that stream of consciousness. It gets super expensive. And it's something I resisted for quite a while on still, like I, um, had a session with Christie. She came over yesterday, and I was, and she's someone that I feel like. She holds such strong medicine in her practice that Christy Foster yeah. Oh, awesome. The first time I stepped into her space, she does psychosomatic. She's very

spk_1:   3:20
much a shaman. No, she's magic.

spk_0:   3:23
Well, her one of her clothes anyway. I don't share things about her, cause this isn't anyway. Sorry, Christie, if you're listening, we love you. But when I first stepped into, she could she practices out of her home. I was so taken back by the integrity of how she holds her. Comtech her container? Yes. Very safe. Very clean. Um, really beautiful, beautiful energy that she holds in her medicine and how she practices. I've I know, I think you felt the same, but I've had some deep healing. Yeah, that's come through. Oh, absolutely. So then when we were the last time I saw her, I'm like, Yeah, right now, You know, I'm offering free sessions because part of my practice and me practicing, and she's like, sweet, let's schedule in, like, five. Yes, and yes, I'm not saying no, Teoh, you know, because it brings up my fears and insecurities of you know, I practice out of my bedroom right now and because I don't have any other space. But anyway, it was a great it was a great session. And anyway, how did we because we

spk_1:   4:28
taught, talked about guided meditations. Meditations? Yes. Christy Foster is an amazing body worker. Also one of my teachers. I'm learning cycles Matics from her, and it is amazing

spk_0:   4:43
she's a beautiful teacher to because you invited me to that face reading class. It was her emotional anatomy class. So that's what

spk_1:   4:50
it yeah, emotional anatomy. So she's all teaching. She's teaching psychosomatic of what your body is telling you, like through the symptoms you experience. But she holds she holds such integrity in her work.

spk_0:   5:02
Not only that, but especially for me, something that, as I'm known for years, I would step into more the teacher space. I've I've always been really worried about not ever wanting to be put on a pedestal. Not ever being want to wait a minute. Does that mean I can't be who I am? Because I have my moments of being a total bitch and I am human and I so for years I kind of sat with that And as I've gotten closer to where I'm at today, which is really stepping into this place when we went and sat in her class, I so loved and honored her for how she it was straight across teaching. It was not I'm better than you, right? Let me it was just sharing her wisdom yet to help us increase our wisdom of things that we don't know. Yeah, and she was very vulnerable. She shared some personal experiences and Oh, my God. I so loved having that as a yes. Yes. This is what this is what I want, what it

spk_1:   5:56
could be. Yeah. In fact, I am such a believer and collaboration, and I feel like we can be such a amazing network for each other. Christy Foster is doing a lot of free classes on her you tube page right now around psychosomatic. So, um, so if you're interested in it or if it ping something in you, she has to, um, Facebook pages one as her personal Christy Foster. And at c h r i S t y F o S t e

spk_0:   6:24
r on war. There in the description. Yes,

spk_1:   6:26
yes. And then she also has her emotional anatomy page, which is her business page, where she's teaching and she doesn't always post. She always posts the stuff in her business Emotional ami page, and then her personal one is her personal one, but she will post some of the stuff on her personal page. So I would definitely direct you to her business page Emotional anatomy because she is fantastic. She's been doing body work over 20 years, and she's been in the psychosomatic world for probably half that time. Um, she's one of my teachers and she is fantastic. If you're in the area, I don't know. She does remote sessions. I

spk_0:   7:05
don't know how you would cause she's so fit them physical. Like the last session I had was the most painful session I've ever had with her. I was teasing. I'm like, I think because her husband was out down in the living room, I came out and I was so disorient. Yeah, she's like that could happen because you are You're moving energy through your body through your chakras. When there were there were gateways by my by my knees and up in my elbows. She called them. They were gateways. And I don't Yeah. Anyway, she lives in

spk_1:   7:31
Salt Lake City. So if your local here, I would definitely recommend get a session with her because she is fantastic. And then if you're interested in psychosomatic six, she's doing a lot of great stuff on Facebook right now. so little plug in for what

spk_0:   7:45
about of ever is yes, Kristie won, I think for me and my as I go through all of my transitions and growing and doing something that's so physically oriented. And I do pretty often I get massages with you, too. But having something that's like physical touch, whether it's the massage work or the psychosomatic, sits really helping to open up the physical body. Yes, because when we do all this spiritual work, it moves. But sometimes our physical body has a hard time, not a hard time. It's slower to respond. Well, stunts, right. Your physical body is

spk_1:   8:17
very dense, and you hold this information in your body on the physical level. So it's really helpful. I feel to put it in combination where you're doing the energetic emotional work and the physical. You're working with the physical points in the body to help the body release it as well. But the body is more dense. It just is

spk_0:   8:40
no. So I recommend doing all sorts of a myriad of I have my team of people of Okay, Any decision? Yeah, me too. Me too.

spk_1:   8:50
It's so great to have Ah um a network of people to draw from. Oh yeah, because different people bring out different things. And that's one of my visions is I would love to create a collaborative network of body workers or energy workers or coaches or whatever where we collaborate, because I really believe there's enough business for everyone and we each have offerings for people at certain times. So if we can cross network and cross, um, collaborate, collaborate, reference, like when you throw out a reference to someone without the fear of calm we don't need it

spk_0:   9:29
is taking something away for you. Yeah, and go where you're

spk_1:   9:32
drawn like if if you're working with someone and all sudden it's just not resonating that work may be done with that person and be willing to sever the tie for the time and find another person. You know that we can get super loyal in who we do body work with, and as a body worker. I do appreciate that, and if you're on my table, it's because I have something for you. You have something for me, and when that time is done, please feel free to go wherever you need to go. Follow your body well,

spk_0:   10:04
or couple it together because I know, especially the medicine that I carry. If I am starting to go down something that I can feel something is asking to be done here. But I don't know that I have the container, the wisdom to go there with them. I I won't run. I'll refer them out and so that I mean, it kind of goes a little bit hand in hand with with what you're with, what you're saying, right? Inability to go. You know what? There's something here. This has been having an ask, and I recommend you go over here. Yeah, and I feel like

spk_1:   10:35
that is living the law Abundance. We talked about that a couple of sessions or a couple podcasts ago, that abundance is a universal law. And if we don't, if we believe in abundance, we never have to. As practitioners, we never have to be afraid of. How am I gonna have enough business? Because if you believe in abundance, you're going to attract the people that need you and you need them, and you don't have to hold on to anyone or feel competitive with anyone. And if you truly feel someone else could benefit or one of your clients can benefit from someone else. Please trust that and refer them on because really, at the end of the day, that's what it's all about. Yeah, you know,

spk_0:   11:13
I totally agree. So little sad. No, no. I mean, it kind

spk_1:   11:18
of flows into the idea of boundaries of boundaries, holding a good boundary around your body, what you need of what feels good to you. And when it doesn't feel good anymore.

spk_0:   11:31
It's really a to move and not, you know, it ties in with integrity because that's integrity that we're talking about with. Here's the boundaries. I don't know, since we just It's a funny cause. We talk about our story with leaving religion, and it's a different energy that's held. The body were definitely more in the bodies were talking about some this other stuff. You're my energies hovering over around my head, so it's interesting toe observe, at least for me. I don't know what you're feeling, but this I talking about boundaries, which I think is a really important conversation to be had, and I feel like I've had boundaries and then it changes and then I had boundaries and then it changes. And then I have, you know, I mean, they're constantly moving and even even to the moment today, I'm still How do I How do I want to hold my boundaries here and in specific, actually with my family? It's funny because on the one hand, you're like God, should I not share personal details? And on the other, it's like I'm fine. I'm an open book and I guess I'll anyway. But for me, it's definitely with my family. And how how do we want something? Something new will show up, and how do I want to hold boundaries here? And then something else shows up. But how do I want to hold boundaries? Yeah, I feel that's

spk_1:   12:44
interesting when you first say that holding boundaries with my family on one level, I'm like, What? You can do that?

spk_0:   12:53
Yes, and that's a condition belief, right, because

spk_1:   12:57
as a child, my dad was his way was law, and we didn't have a lot of permission to speak or express or speak anything contrary to what law waas

spk_0:   13:13
When that goes to your what you're talking about. The last podcast with a tribal law. Yeah, system. Tribal law. Yeah. You know, against the tribal system, you're going against tribal law. Which means what?

spk_1:   13:24
Well, into my dad's defense. I'm sure it was an inherited tribal belief that he came from. So it's not something he created. He was just living a tribal belief. Like the man is law, you know, it's my way or the highway. I tell you to jump. You say how high, you know, And I'm sure that's a system he came from the family system. When I say system the family system that he came from, the inherited beliefs, they inherited patterns of how it family operates. And so I can admit I am learning how have boundaries. And I am 40 almost 46 years old, and it's been a journey and has been a process. And at times I've even thought Wait, I can say that I

spk_0:   14:08
can do that. I can have a boundary here. I don't even know I could when I think part of that, too. I feel like since our stories are similar and very different when you are in that tribal system, that tribal lot of I I'm gonna tell you what to do, and this is how you should behave. It takes away so much of your sovereignty, so much of your personal power, so much of your personal choice, voice, whatever. So when that starts coming back and then you're interacting with the family, how can I can I be who I am and be in this family system? And a lot of times this starts bumping up against our edges, ever. Sure, And then that's where. In order for it not to cross those edges where it feels uncomfortable, that's, I feel like why boundaries are really a good thing. In fact, at a really close friend or a good friend of mine told me the other day, she was. We were talking. It was a while ago, and I hope I can remember this correctly. But she was talking about an experience that she was having, and and she was reminded that as Children, we give Children boundaries because it makes them feel safe right, This is part of okay, well, we don't go across the street without looking both ways, because if a car's coming will be killed. So there's boundaries even to that extent and in all areas, you can have boundaries. I mean, whether they're drastic of you, either follow my rules or you are on the street. But let's just go into the basic survival boundaries. As a parent. That's what we do. And it creates. Save it safety for Children more than not even as adults were operating from some sort of a wounded child place? Absolutely. So in that when they start coming up against us, who we're trying to navigate, we've Somehow we're triggering their wounded child of Wait a minute, you're going against my laws, my system, their child is activated. When we create boundaries, there's a safety, you know? I know how to navigate Well, it and

spk_1:   16:03
don't you feel like that's like the intrinsic, um, piece of a patriarchal system where authority is the end all be all it creates safety. Yes. Yeah. Like currently in our world, we're being told so many things will keep us safe. And so people are not questioning it because it pulls up that wounded child of I don't know better. So I better trust those who know better than me because I can't go within myself to figure

spk_0:   16:36
it out or I don't want to because then that could create a lot more questions. And I don't know if I trust myself and yeah, and this goes. It goes beyond the patriarchy, just in a generalized sense, with having boundaries, with friendships, having boundaries with with even with your partner and the people that you're choosing to bring in on romantic layer having boundaries with your Children, of how you're going to allow them to talk to you. You know, if they're disrespectful, that's a boundary that it's not OK in my house. You know, it's not just the pay trickery. So I do want to make sure that we do talk to that and the broader sense of why are we creating boundaries? Why is it important? And how are we? How are we choosing to do that in our lives?

spk_1:   17:20
Yeah, I guess I was pinging me a little bit because I do feel it's the lack of boundaries is a product of a patriarchal system.

spk_0:   17:29
I agree, and thanks for sharing that

spk_1:   17:32
it pinned you. Ah, you're welcome. I I'm creating a boundary

spk_0:   17:37
there. Gomi, who that's a boundary is communicating how you're for me. It iss because it's for Mies. Okay, so for

spk_1:   17:46
someone that came very much from I cannot push back. No, that is totally a boundary because I'm going. Nope. I'm gonna say I don't agree with you. Yeah, for someone that was not allowed to do that. Yeah. And is just learning how to do that.

spk_0:   18:03
I I feel like that's you stepping into your sovereign self,

spk_1:   18:08
which yes, and a sovereign self is a self that will create boundaries.

spk_0:   18:12
Yes. And say, I don't know that I agree with this where that's not OK for me. And I'm giving myself permission to put voice to that instead of just being quiet and allowing you to say all the shit. And I don't fucking believe you or agree with you. But you think you're the badass. So I'm just gonna be quiet and listen. And there is a time and a place for that, too. In my experience, we're sometimes not speaking, is but there. I'm not saying Please know that when I said that, I'm glad that you just vocalized. Yeah, I just No, no, no. I know. I know that I know that you went off on a tangent. I know that had nothing to do with you. Yeah, I know that. I

spk_1:   18:50
know that. Definitely. If safety is being challenged, there is a time in a place, right?

spk_0:   18:59
Yeah. So in this the reason for me the I noticed we had talked about boundaries a few episodes ago and I can't even remember the context. What's funny is most of our podcasts. I don't even remember what we talked about in it because things just flow, which I love. And then it was like Somebody will say something. Yeah, when you were talking, I'm like we lately I don't Did we say that? I don't remember if we said that. And so I know we talked about boundaries in some in one of our podcasts, and I don't even remember what the context waas. But I feel like I don't think I had boundaries when I until I left religion. And then that's when it was like, Oh, I get to have boundaries and I will say, also going through my romantic relationships, and this is something I write about in my book. There's a little shameless plug anyway, that I did create more boundaries and part of it really does come to honoring our sovereign Selves, going further inside, going into that heart space of what feels true and in Ted integrity to me and how I want to walk my life. And do I let people take advantage of it? Do we let people abuse me? Do I let people talk over me? Minimize me? Be little me, you name it, push there religion on me You know what really simple boundary and easy boundary that that came up recently was my family has a group text and for you know, we've had a group text that we'll chat about different things. You know, whatever is coming up. And usually it's around family dinner and when we're in a family dinner and it started going into it was around general conference a few years ago, and my family started having spiritually conversations of the religion, which my sister, who's now left, and me both are not in it. So we're quiet and it's irritating. I don't want to hear this stuff because it pings up against some of my I can't believe you're buying into this, but I don't want to push my gnocchi. Imagine my sister and I starting toe. Hey, did you You know, I channel dad last night or whatever it ISS, you know, it would trigger my family and they would say something. But my sister and I are quiet, so I text and say, Hey, why dont you guys spend off a group that's about your religion? Because it has nothing to do with Russia and I love you. And so I did, but I But the thing is, is I'm always the vocal one. I feel like in my experience on the vocal one who ruffles feathers, trigger people the time and on. I'm OK with that. Well, I feel like

spk_1:   21:27
one of the challenges, especially if you're from a religious family and you're no longer practicing or even with friend groups. Like a lot of my friend groups had to dissolve because they were still Mormon and I wasn't is. It's like this unspoken rule. We can talk about what we believe to be truce, but you're not allowed to speak anything that doesn't fit with our paradigm

spk_0:   21:51
that doesn't agree with it.

spk_1:   21:52
Yeah, and it's a really inequality, and that's probably not true across the board. Maybe that's a weird Utah thing or even like a Utah County thing. Or maybe just a weird Valerie thing. You

spk_0:   22:04
know, I would think anybody that has a strong belief in something most people have a difficult time having multi being able Teoh on. They actually just did my first idea TV thinking, because we're in the world right now where this is happening. People are so vocally expressing their opinions on something. And if you don't agree with me, you're wrong. I'm right or whatever it ISS and I and it takes. I think I think it takes a more aware person Teoh see, with multiple lenses, respect someone for their opinion. And also listen right without thinking I have to agree, right and that I don't feel like is as common. It's more of a rarity to find. So it's not just a Utah thing. It's not just a Mormon thing. I think it's across the board.

spk_1:   22:52
Yeah, I wonder what that is that we feel like we're right, and because we're right, everyone else has to believe the way we believe.

spk_0:   23:00
I think it's part of the ego. Yeah, if you if you believe something so strongly for whatever your reasons are allowing someone to share their opinion bumps up against your ego. And if you allow that and it appears to look like you're agreeing with them, what does that say about you? So I think it's just Ah, I feel like all I

spk_1:   23:22
could be wrong. Yeah, I had posted something on my Facebook page, and it's it's been a little surprising to me because generally I don't get into a posting on Facebook, but be posting my a political or value held beliefs on there, and I posted something in a particular individual has been very vocal on posting. Contrary to what I'm posting and holding that space of Okay, we can agree to disagree. I'm not going to see it your way. You're not going to see it my way. And let's make peace with that. I even said that it wasn't allowed there still like a pushing back, and I do find it pushes me into wanting to validate how I believe, and I've had to consciously step back and say This person gets toe, have their experience and their beliefs and their Navigant that she thinks I'm crazy and that's okay, and I get to be over here with what I hold is truth and what I believe is right and I'm posting on my page. I'm not going to her page and like arguing whatever she posts. But there is that need to kind of validate my like, validate my viewpoint and say, Oh, but I'm right, but I'm right, but I'm right and having really stepping back and go well, for me, it's more we get to each express. We have the freedom to express what we believe, even if it's not congruent with each other. To me, that's the bigger picture is there's the freedom, and that's why America is such a great places. There's a freedom to have a dissenting view and to be able to speak it. Yeah, and there's people that shame you for that.

spk_0:   25:06
Well, and what is happening in my perspective is you're getting triggered there. She's getting triggered. And when we get triggered, we react from multiple places and from our wounds. Yeah, And I remember years ago, um a good friend of mine asked me What if it was true? What if it is true that you are crazy? You're crazy for posting these things. What if that's true and that I think it's part of the question to ask ourselves, Can I be comfortable with? Maybe this is true. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I am less than maybe I am, whatever it is that's pinging. I think that questions important. And then I think it's and this is where I for me right now is you're talking. I'm seeing a split, so it's Ah, it's a question of wondering OK, I'm triggered. So my triggered because there's a boundary that needs to be set here and I'm not OK with what I'm what is happening right? And what I'm allowing and or is it a trigger? Because it's a It's a insecurity or fear that I have about myself, and I think this is where the eagle comes in. So can I make peace with you know what? What if I was by poor? This was the question that I was asking at the time, because when I went through my divorce, my mother asked me, and I had been off of meds since I was 21 years old and this was I was 30. So over probably 12 13 years. I have never been medicated, never anything for bipolar. And my mom asked me, Do you think maybe you're having a bipolar episode? And I was like, Are you fucking kidding me? And so I had to go sit in with that with Well, what if this is true? Would that make me less of a person? Would that make? And it was an interesting practice to do, and it's a hard thing to go into. And I think that's where the the ego gets pinned. And so there is a split Okay with my mom. You know what? There was a boundary. Hey, do you realize that all of us cycle that not just somebody who has a mental disorder, cycles every single one of us cycles? And so here's a boundary that you know what? This isn't okay for you to keep thinking and putting me in this box,

spk_1:   27:17
right? You know? Well, I would be the 1st 1 to admit that I'm crazy. And I mean, if you put my views and believe systems up against mainstream America, most people would consider me crazy for the things I believe in. Not anymore. Well, it's changing. Yeah, It's just awesome. It is changing, and I'm okay with that because I don't like I'm learning how to dance in my own skin and just be like, It's all right. I'm going to talk about aliens or I'm gonna talk about channeling or I'm going to talk about the things how I interpret the world

spk_0:   27:53
because it's my truth. And it's okay if you think it's crazy. I'm fine with that. Yeah, I think you're crazy to keep your eyes close, to

spk_1:   28:02
choose to be blind and let someone else tell you how to live your life, right?

spk_0:   28:09
We're all crazy. Oh, I 100% agree with that and whatever that even means. I know what it reminds

spk_1:   28:15
me of the Alice in Wonderland, The Cheshire cat, you know, in his smile and his eyes were going you know,

spk_0:   28:21
we're all crazy, like we really are in our own ways. 100%. Yes, I totally agree with that. And I had a thought, and now it's escaping May. But I

spk_1:   28:31
know I'm thinking, OK, bringing up back around two boundaries. Well,

spk_0:   28:36
how have you found it? Beneficial or not beneficial in your life to set boundaries? Do you set boundaries. I'm learning how to. I'm mostly so

spk_1:   28:47
I was working with a therapist a couple years ago and she said something that really made sense to me, and I think she actually started bringing the issue of boundaries up for me. But she said, if you feel resentment towards someone's actions or words, a boundary has been crossed and either you didn't have a boundary to begin with or it's been disregarded by the other person and not has stuck with me because it's a good barometer for me. Teoh, when like something doesn't feel good or I feel resentment against on, like interaction with another person. It helps me go. OK, why am I feeling this? Oh, I didn't have a good boundary there or I didn't voice my boundary or they're not respecting my boundary and that's not okay, you know. And so if someone else chooses not to respect the boundary, then it comes down to a choice of Do I give up the boundary, or do I choose out of the relationship

spk_0:   29:52
right? And unfortunately, that's what it gets,

spk_1:   29:53
too. It does. It does if someone is not willing to respect a boundary as a person. You either continue to allow that disrespect to go on and that behavior to go on or you say no more. I'm done and I'm not gonna interact here anymore. You know,

spk_0:   30:11
when I feel like one of the challenges with boundaries, especially when we haven't had it, and then we start to have boundaries, especially with ones that are people that are close to us. Oh, yeah, All of a sudden, it, um it takes a lot of courage, yes, to speak to whatever that is to communicate it, and however way you end up communicating it. There's a lot of courage there. And when we do that and have that boldness, especially in that relationship where we've not been that way and now we're creating that, I think it's it's it should be expected that they're either is going to be a surprising reaction one way or another, whether it's in my friends example, when she was sharing this and she was very like direct with her boundaries and communicated very clearly and very strongly, the response was very peaceful and like oh, okay and super respected, and in other examples for me, I either get silence. You know, no response back or it's a fight. It's a pissing match. Yeah, and that's what gets I think boundaries are sometimes tricky to navigate and how you want Teoh like your say, It's like it's a learning process. You're always

spk_1:   31:24
well, especially in your in a partnership. If you do not hold the same value, you're not gonna have the same boundary. And that's tricky that ISS so turkey, because it comes to a point where you say, This is my boundary and I'm not okay with anything beyond that. And if it's not in alignment, there's the choice is kind of made, you know what I mean? I'm out, you know, and that's that's tricky. That is really tricky. So like figuring out what your values are because I believe values drive our boundaries. So

spk_0:   32:04
let's talk about relationships since we're here and how, because someone who doesn't know how to create boundaries, what does that even look like while it's sitting down with what are your values? What's important to you? Do I want in my OK to allow my partner to walk all over me and my OK to my partner has when I was leaving a relationship with, um, my partner. That was them. I'd bring him up a lot because he was probably the most traumatic. So he taught me the most. I sat in this space, but I love him, and I came so clear to me that it didn't matter that I loved him. Love is like the root of all things that mattered that I chose myself first. And I feel like that's where boundaries comes into. So what are those things that you're going to allow in your life? Where you gonna allow for abuse for negative behavior towards yourself, for condescending, belittling, You know, what are other things? Foul. I'm tryingto well,

spk_1:   33:01
even other people that affect the relationship that come in, um, holding the partners like a boundary around the partnership. Yeah. If the people in the partnership have different values on what's OK on that could be with family meet members, even. Right? So the classic mother in law who? Yeah, it is demeaning to the daughter in law. That's a tough one, right? Because this is your partner's mother. That's tricky. No, I don't I don't know. It's tricky. I'm I mean, I have very strong women as friends, you being one of them. And so I observe a lot around language and relationships, and I remember hearing it. It was another. It was another friend who is a strong woman, saying that is not okay with me when he does that, that is not okay with me. And I was like, Wait, what? I

spk_0:   34:01
can say that that's not okay. Wow. Wow. I can say

spk_1:   34:08
that it was this huge like opening of Oh, it's OK for me in a partnership to say I'm not okay with this. Yeah, because that was not modeled to me as a

spk_0:   34:22
child gets modeled to most of us. I think it would be a very rare thing, at least in our age group, that boundaries were never. Boundaries were never thing. We never talked about that. They feel like it's something that's more being being talked to. Probably in the last, what, 5 to 10 years? I don't know that I ever heard about boundaries before that.

spk_1:   34:41
Yeah, I don't I don't know. I have a whole bunch of books on boundaries on my night stand. I haven't read any of them, but for me, it's been a more recent practice. Yeah, I mean, I did. In my marriage, there were times where I would speak up and say, That's not okay with me, but even on, like, I don't know, I don't know why that was such an epiphany for me. Yeah, but just to go, Really, I can say that you have a voice. An opinion? Yeah. And that I can really just stand up and say no, that's not OK for me

spk_0:   35:16
seeing again, I feel like boundaries come from Where is my sovereign self wanting what a my wanting to create my world. And then what boundaries are put in place so that I can create this on and again, I feel like And what keeps coming up for me over and over again is it's part of what makes it tricky is the and we are creating a reality. So when something happens and I love that you, the way that you explained it with the therapists and how she she explained it to you, I think there is always a question to come back to the self of asking. Okay? There's something here that's pinging me. Is it pinging because I'm triggered. Is it painting because there's a boundary that's been crossed? Is that both? What do I need to do with this and not bring it back to self? Because I feel like what can happen is a partner says we were just using that partner can say You cross my boundary and completely take no ownership. And this goes back to relationships in general, taking no ownership over this because it's a boundary that they've crosses and having the conversation, being willing to have the conversation and instead just saying hope this is a boundary and then being blameless doesn't make sense because I feel like that could happen as we're talking and somebody's trying to explore boundaries,

spk_1:   36:28
Well, that's where it's tricky, though, because it does come down to values. It does come down to values, and we so want other people to hold the same values that we dio. We so want that, and it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. And so when we want them to clean ownership of something that we feel they've done wrong, that's

spk_0:   36:54
all that happened. No, it's based

spk_1:   36:56
on our value of what's right and wrong. They may have a completely different value of what's right and wrong, and in their pie paradigm, they've done nothing wrong. So then it becomes a battle of values, and I don't feel like to me they there in alignment or they're not. And and if they're not in alignment, that's some serious friction, especially in a partnership, right? Or in a friendship, right? Or in families, right? Because if we do, there has to be either. Okay, we're gonna agree to disagree, or this isn't gonna work for me because my values are mine and values or yours. And there's no way for them toe live in a happy place. Yeah, you know, I mean, like an extreme example. If someone is monogamous and someone is Polly arborists, there's no way that confined alignments, right? Because one person believes in love with just one other partner and the other person believes in love with multiple partners, right? So someone's gonna have to live in authentically to be in that relationship, right?

spk_0:   38:07
And that will only last for so long. They may choose to do that.

spk_1:   38:10
Yeah, and they may, but it comes down to values I I feel, and we so want? Um, we so want our values to be what's accepted by someone else. Then that's not gonna ever happen.

spk_0:   38:26
One again. This is coming back to the sovereign self of when you even said I think it was the last podcast, I don't know, since we're doing back to back but not needing acceptance, not needing one of, you know, getting to that place to where you really don't need anything outside of you for validation or toe what you're talking to that is coming back to the sovereign self and going to the sovereign self and having values and knowing what your values are, creates the boundaries. I know that this is who I am. This is my values. These are my boundaries. And if it's crossed, this is how I am going to choose to, like you were talking about, react to it. Whether we continue this relationship, we don't or, you know, an example that I had recently was a family member. I can't see. For me, boundaries are always family centered with my friendships, I feel like, um really we attract like attracts, like so our friendships were attracting people that have similar values to ours and, you know, and relationships. And then as they further, they develop further that sometimes there's like you're talking about friction that we decide which way to go. I've lost friends multiple friends throughout the years because we change on when we changed. A lot of times, people in our lifes don't fit any. Yeah, I'm not super normal, you know, the life, death, life, cycle, part of life. But in this scenario I had posted on I shared this. They believe a little bit with, you know, I triggered a family member and I it brought up what was interesting to observe. Is it brought up actually old family conditioning, an old family ways of how I've been held by some of my siblings, which is her parent and the way that she was reacting to me, Which means I you know, all the all of the things that start unraveling and playing out, and I can see very clearly. And where's the boundary that I'm holding with this? Where's the personal work that I could do around this? And this is kind of what I was talking about before is there is It's a multifaceted thing, a lot of times. Why is this pinging? What do I do about it? And for me? I went did a fire ceremony. I released some things around the shadow. Feminine is what what came up? Because the need anybody, whoever has a need to belittle mock whatever it iss. It's putting someone else down so that they can feel bigger. And there's a reason for it, Probably a fear based somehow of what is your right? Yes, yes, tricking on their wounds. And then it was as I'm sitting at the fire hit me so strongly. I have a boundary here and I need to communicate that boundary. You do not have my permission to talk to me that way, whether it's heard or received is completely different, and I don't I can't control that right. All I can control in saying without attacking. I'm not OK with you communicating to me this way, right? And however, however it look so I feel like that's why boundaries air tricky is because they feel like they're always changing. Something comes up. Where is the boundary that I'm going to have

spk_1:   41:20
here, right? But ultimately, if they don't respect your boundary, then you have a choice to either keep putting yourself in the situation where your boundaries air being crossed. They're not being respected or you choose to just not engage anymore. You know what I mean?

spk_0:   41:36
Right? So and you and I talked about this because our experiences are a little different, partly because again, bringing to family cause I feel like family and romantic relationships are the two biggest things for boundaries, right? So for me and my personal experience with boundaries that have complete constantly changing and how I want to navigate, cause I am constantly changing. Yep, one of the things because I've sat with this. Do I cut out my family because of the behavior that I continue and we'll more than likely always get from certain individuals. Do I cut him out because a I'm I'm not inviting and do not want that energy into my life? Or do I stand? Do I recognize these Air family members? This is still something that's important to my mother Toe have these gatherings and I love my mother and respect and honor her. And can I gather in a family situation to where I could stand in my sovereign self and actually be quiet and not need to say anything, not really need to interact. Aiken be kind. I can stand in that place from a place of love without having a relationship with these people and yet still be there. And this is something that I'm I'm navigating as we speak. Yeah, you know it. It'll it'll usually pop its head up, and it sometimes it would. It's easier to cut people off Rahil. Sometimes it's necessary. I 100% agree,

spk_1:   43:04
because for someone who doesn't have boundaries, and then you start to learn how to have boundaries. But they're not being respected. It's OK to say we're taking a time out.

spk_0:   43:16
Oh, I've taken lots of

spk_1:   43:17
diamonds on and and even if it's family, a family does not hold you in a respectful kind place. You

spk_0:   43:26

spk_1:   43:26
not need to go be a punching bag over and over and over and over and over and over again. You don't and that could be a punching bag. Physically, that could be a punching bag. Um oh, mentally, emotionally, Spiritually, you do not need because they're called family. You do not have to put yourself in that space period and the I That is my believe. Take it or leave it. I don't care if you believe with if you agree with it or not. Um, but if you do not feel safe, there is no reason for you to be in that situation. Even if it's family.

spk_0:   44:04
I agree. And it's trickier. It is a nice

spk_1:   44:08
Yeah, it is tricky without even revealing. Really? Like they're like, I can't even speak to it. There's someone I know who their in laws Every time they come treat her like shit to the point they don't even acknowledge her. When if they're the only ones in the room, that's but their family. No. You know what? You're coming into my

spk_0:   44:38
home. I hunted coming out of my okay,

spk_1:   44:43
You you need toe lead. Like I just told my kids, you know, because I'm divorced. I'm in a partnership right now. I've had a few other partners that I outside people I'm bringing in. I believe everyone deserves kindness and respect. Yeah, I totally agree. As a basis level the basis level, kindness and respect. And

spk_0:   45:05
don't you don't. You don't even have to like the person who offer kindness and respect.

spk_1:   45:10
And if that, to me, that's what you're saying. You do when you're in that situation with your family, where you feel you can't speak up, You're still showing up with kindness and respect.

spk_0:   45:21
I let me clarify this. If something came up to where I felt like all of a sudden, I'm a punching bag or you better believe your ass. I will stay. I know that very clearly. And say this is not OK. Yeah, and fuck you. But another another language. Yes, well, but I'm not gonna choose Teoh, interact and engage on I don't write. And you

spk_1:   45:43
could choose to just be one on one with your mom and have that relationship.

spk_0:   45:49
Yeah, And again, it's a tricky one to navigate. And it's funny, cause even talking about it's like, God, this is pretty vulnerable. You know, I don't even know if any of my family members listen to this. And I highly doubt that they that they do because I am so controversial for most of my family members, Right. But, um, it is a very tricky space, and at the end of the day, I have done so much work around especially the wounded child in me that wasn't accepted. That wasn't OK with who I was. That was a very out spoken child and was mocked and belittled and minimized. And you know it's Yeah.

spk_1:   46:28
Well, that's the tricky thing with families is because we grew up with these people. Our wounding happened with, um and a lot of times they know the weak spot, right? They know how to go for the jugular. And, unfortunately, and families we do that way Dio like to help. We don't know until we don't. Um but I feel like the very nature of it being in a family brings those up because that that's where they all came to fruition, right? What? I mean, until it doesn't I don't know. I can't speak from a lot of experience. Um, so you're probably over whatever. My family doesn't talk like we don't talk about the hard things we don't get into. We did. We just don't. And so because of that were very distant. Even when we're together, it's very distant. And I love my family, and we're all very different. And we all have common wounds because we grew up together doing the bus. We knew how, and we don't talk about the hard things and sew up with my own kids with my own Children. I'm trying to instill that in them that we can be there for each other and we can have the hard conversations. And you know what? It's okay, Toe agree to disagree, and it's OK that we don't because we don't even with my Children, we do not have the same views on things and they think I'm crazy and they tell me they think I'm crazy and that's OK. You know. They get Teoh, walk their path, and I don't get to sit here and tell them that my way is their way, right? I don't I don't. I respect them as their sovereign beings. I want them to be authentic to who they are and like I have shared in the last podcast. One of my son isn't a black metal band, you know, and that's the way he makes sense of the world. Well, I could sit here and fight against him, and all it's going to do is push him away, right can hold him in a space of love and say Well, I may not want to go with you to black metal concerts, but I will assure support you, you know?

spk_0:   48:43
Yeah. One. I I feel like this. Um, it's funny, because I, you know, it's like, yes, let's talk about boundaries. And then when you start getting into it, you're like, Fuck, I don't know what I'm doing half the time, but what a work in progress. What I do know. In any relationship, there is a choice to have a conversation, and, you know, it's speaking to chill Children. You know, I feel I've noticed with my Children they do require conversation when something is, you know, my 10 year old has this such a deep sense of, um, right and wrong, like the justice. It's interesting how our Children come in wired pre wired with certain things, and if he feels like he's not, there was a consequence for something he did in his actions, where he shouldn't have gotten it. Oh, hell, he will spend out. And so I have learned, especially with my kids Teoh, that it's important to have that conversation. I'm not have a parent con talking down, and this is kind of getting. I'm struggling a little bit, but for some reason it's coming up. So what the hell, But I feel all of my Children need to have the conversation after it's kind of the turmoil or the whatever has passed. We come back and have the conversation where, like you, my family doesn't talk. Holy shit, they don't talk. And if I try to have a conversation Oh my gosh, it is not received well and it will. It almost always will erupt in conflict. I've navigated, been able to navigate this a little bit with my mother a little bit and really talking through the the thing that came up and being able to not be reactive, you know, come from a place of non reactive and just continue to walk through it. And that's been progress, even though it's it's small. But that's definitely a place where I've had to learn, even with my partner, when something's up for me to be able to communicate and because I do have a strong personality, be able to communicate it, not to point to wearing being a fucking asshole or fucking bitch, which I totally can be, but still having the conversations still navigating through it and part of that again, it does. That kind of comes to boundaries. Because even as you're talking and you're saying that your family doesn't have the conversation, is that a boundary that you're okay with? Well, no, you know, know that I'm curious. I'm genuinely curious is the

spk_1:   51:11
sad consequences. But you can have any depth without being willing to go into conflict. You can't. You know what I mean?

spk_0:   51:18
And then there's usually no resolve, right? So

spk_1:   51:21
if you hold different values, there can't How can there be other than it? You can come to a place of We can agree to disagree, disagree and respect each other for what we believe. I I haven't experienced that with Well, maybe I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know

spk_0:   51:41
way. We're definitely not experts on this topic. And we have our own experiences of what we've learned.

spk_1:   51:50
It's a work in progress, like, you know what I mean. And I feel like it comes with maturity to I feel like is wisdom. Yeah, as you become more comfortable in your skin and I feel that really starts happening late thirties into your forties and older where you're willing to say this is who I am. This is how I flow. This is how I dance in my skin and I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. And I can respect other people for how they do it too. And I do think it comes with maturity. I dio

spk_0:   52:25
yes, and I think that maturity is wisdom and wisdom can happen at any age. For sure. I'm especially just because watching some of these kids that are coming into the world, they're so different than what we were, you know?

spk_1:   52:38
Yeah. And so I feel like older souls. Air coming in? Yeah, 101 100%. Just age. Biological age. Doesn't have any determination on age, right? Seoul, Seoul age.

spk_0:   52:52
Well, in Wicca practice, you know, it's the mother made in crone or the maid and mother Crone, in its a three cycles of life, Does it have to be in a linear timeline? No. You know, to really embody all all of those places of wisdom and part of time is what creates wisdom and creates our knowledge and our container for what we hold and the experiences that we've had that's create that have created different lessons and tools. Now we've gained because we've experienced whatever its were

spk_1:   53:19
you experience strikes wisdom. Yeah, you Yeah, but it I mean, it is changing. It changes. Is I change? You know what I mean? Get myself permission to say I'm not okay without, uh, you know, that doesn't work for me. Uh, I love you, and that doesn't work for me.

spk_0:   53:37
And and being okay to create conflict because the

spk_1:   53:42
hard one for me, Well,

spk_0:   53:43
but that is boundaries. Oh,

spk_1:   53:44
yeah, Absolutely. And I'm learning how to do it. I'm learning how to do it and to be in conflict, because for me, conflict was so unsafe.

spk_0:   53:54
I agree I was the same, though,

spk_1:   53:56
and say coming from ah, Home e would have to be when it an abusive home conflict was not safe. And I held so much trauma in my body around it that I'm just now processing enough of that trauma that I can be ok in conflict because honest to God, ptsd coming up through my body when conflict would arise. And so that puts me in fight or flight or fun, right? Vonn is making it okay for everyone. I'll let go of my about boundary to make it OK for everyone. So we don't get in any place that's not safe. Yeah, and doing my own trauma work, toe work that through my system, out of my body to go. You know what? Conflict is safe and I can hold my I can hold my self in safety in conflict. No, and

spk_0:   54:52
I still I'm

spk_1:   54:53
working with that. And I think that's part of why it was such an epiphany where I went way I can say that's not OK. Yeah, that's creating conflict. I'm giving myself permission to create conflict where the wounded child and me was like, Don't create conflict because that's when people get hurt.

spk_0:   55:11
Yeah, I'm not so really thing. And I thank you for sharing that external. That's but the vulnerable place toe just I think it's a I think it's extremely.

spk_1:   55:22
I want to be careful because I love my family and

spk_0:   55:27
these were experiences, though, that you had that have shaped you and are still shaping you and how you want to navigate the world. And when we go through it, then we offer what we've learned two other so that they can. They now have permission to do whatever it is to step out of an abusive, really ship or to set boundaries. Because you know what? This isn't OK. It's not OK that I'm allowing this in my life. So So that cause I didn't know

spk_1:   55:53
that. Yeah, it's it's tricky. Yeah,

spk_0:   55:57
it's Turkey. It is tricky until it's not until it's not. I like. I like to always see that because I want to give permission. Teoh two. Allowing for the world to be softer for our lives to be softer. While we've had so many places in our life and everyone has had this, where's deep pain, deep drama, deep sadness that I like to offer, that it doesn't have to be that way. And yet there is a life death life cycle that does continue to happen until it doesn't

spk_1:   56:33
well, and I believe you have to go through the unwinding process of releasing not from your body so that it doesn't get triggered. So then it's not hard anymore. Yeah, and there's no way out but through and as much as I would love for some spiritual practice that would just come in and take it all away, and I would have said, you know, transcend all of it. I think it's bullshit. No, until you go through your cleansing process and your healing process. And I don't believe that you have to relive trauma to heal trauma, I agree. But you do have to would be willing to sit with it and acknowledge it and come to a place of acceptance with it and allow it to move through you until it won't. It doesn't hold that bind. Yeah, the binding around you so that you can be on conflict without getting trauma connected to it.

spk_0:   57:41
Oneness for me. What comes up in one of the indicators when Because you talk a lot about the physical body and being aware, and I'm becoming more and more acute to that even as I'm practicing like just recently, I'm learning how to do closed channeling and part of clothes. Channeling is calling specifically honest spirit to come in and you ask him a series of questions and then for me, because I am a physical channel, which means I feel things. It's asking a series of questions so that I can start getting really familiar with what that feels like in my body. So if you're talking for me, some of the work that I've and it's been surprising, it's always surprising to me the things that show up in my life that call attention to healing around. Um, and this doesn't feel like to go and just I don't need to tell a story around it. But what I noticed when something had happened, I started shaking uncontrollably, shaking, and I could fill it up my nervous system. And now that's been an indicator to me that it's not. And I think you may have shared this with because I'm like, I don't know what the fuck this is And and I think it was you that shared this with me that more than likely, it's because it's a lineage. It's a DNA activation. That's not necessarily because of the Ener cause. I'm like this isn't even something I would normally react to Even as I'm talking about, I could start feeling it. It's not something that I would normally react to this way, but there's something that's so ingrained in the D. N. A that's asking for healing is asking for light to be brought to it. And so I'm now noticed that when that starts happening and starting that like, it's like this friction that starts coming up and I start shaking And it's Nobody ever wants to feel like that cause you're feeling like you're losing control and it's like shit, I got to control my I had it happened during a business meeting. Ones. Yeah, I'm like, What on Earth? But it's an indication of deep trauma somewhere that's asking to

spk_1:   59:30
be healed. Yeah, it's actually the energy moving out of your body. I can't remember the the technical term, but it's like animals will shake after traumatic experience to shake out the trauma so they don't hold it in their tissues. So that's what's happening. If it didn't happen at the time of, um, the the trauma, what the initial thing, then you store in your tissues. So then when you're finally giving yourself permission, toe, let it go it and it comes out different ways you can shake, you can cry. You can, you know, whatever but its energy that in the move moving through is being released from your body,

spk_0:   1:0:12
which is ah and I know for me, you know, instantly. It's like, God, I got to control this. What's wrong with me? Right? It's so just no awareness and an allowance of Oh, this is coming up again. What is this? And it's for me. It's becoming as I'm becoming more and more into my wise, whatever self, being more aware of what this looks like in my body, what it feels like when you know, as a channel on channeling spirits, which this was interesting to me. They almost always communicate how they died, and then you feel it in your body, and if I don't disconnect from it quickly, I'll hold it. So then, recognizing what it feels like drowned ing a stroke, cancer, what it feels like in your physical body, the gallon I'm working with. She's like, you know, cancer feels I'll taste metallics, you know, is different things for her, and for me, it will fill feel different. So that's been a fat I know that we got going a little off topic, but again, even with boundaries, they feel like if you start being more and more aware of Oh, I know what this is. I know what this feels because it's feeling there's an emotion and that I'm feeling in my body that's coming up. I've got one of two choices. What's my What's my thing here? What's asking to be looked at? And how do I want toe? If it's a boundary that's crossed, how do I want to hold it? Yeah, yeah. This this podcast is turning so different than what they I don't know that they had an expectation. They definitely didn't think I could do.

spk_1:   1:1:38
Love is if you could just be in the flow of it and allow it toe roll it. And I think that's also, uh, you know, a lot of energy, huh?

spk_0:   1:1:52
Yeah, a lot of energy. I feel. Are you depleted right now? Yeah. Yeah, I can probably know. Will you bring your energy down to your feet and take some deep breaths and move the energy down to your feet and then from your feet pulling energy, actually from the earth into your physical body, pulling it all the way out from your toes. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up with the knowing that you're being a nourished and don't. And don't forget to breathe. Deep breaths. You're holding you back. Yeah,

spk_1:   1:2:27
I am. Yes. Well, I I actually catch myself a lot. Not breathing. You are safe. Yeah. You are loved. Yeah,

spk_0:   1:2:39
that was very vulnerable. I could feel it. Yeah, so thank you. Like I get emotional.

spk_1:   1:2:45
Yeah, I've done a lot of work the last couple years with trauma, um, through family constellations, and I actually was thinking of another thing that has been super helpful for me. It's called full Court of Atonement. Snow. Um, it's kind of like a family constellation, as you do with other people in a three D form. And

spk_0:   1:3:06
what do you mean by three d? Just so, um so in the physical,

spk_1:   1:3:09
in the physical, Yeah, where people are stepping into a filled and energy field of a person and they're representing that person and probably nobody. Yeah, they're following their body to resolve whatever conflict that is asking to be resolved so love can flow through that family system. It's very powerful. And I spent a year doing this year long programme working through my own stuff and then also being ah, the call your call the representative. When you're stepping into someone else's filled. Ah, you're representing that family member for them, and it is channel work like your You have to get completely out of the way. But it's profound work. Yeah, so if you're interested in that there, I can, you know, guide you to some people. In fact, we're going to do another year long programme starting this fall. So if you're interested, let me know. And then full court of Atone Mints, I feel, is family constellations in the astral realm where you can, um called what her name is Amy Jo Ellis. And she's channeled this from a I think she calls them Abraham to, but it's putting in the astral realm clearing family, the family linage and the family skipped like coping skills and, um, patterns. But you can do it just with your words, like putting set stuff into a full court of atonement. And, um, I feel like it s super effective as well. Well,

spk_0:   1:4:42
what? I love Teoh. And in fact, I think I just read a post because right now people are kind of up in arms around whatever trump may or may not have said as faras disinfectant and but UV light writing. So somebody just posted, like the fact that we are moving into a world toe where healing will be through sound, energy and light and even on the emotional binds and some of this stuff that where you said earlier, not everything has to be re traumatizing or to heal the trauma. 100% agree with it. And I feel like where we have been so used to the old way of navigating through healing and what was acceptable e therapy, which is just talk therapy going into the emotions, but really not going into the energetic of clearing the binds, which is what you're talking about with the full court of Atonement. Yeah, it's such a simple thing to dio and spending the time with yourself in that energetic place, wherever it is and whatever that looks like for you and then sending out this invocation, if you will. Or what would you call it? Not an invocation. Ah, statement?

spk_1:   1:5:47
Well, yeah, it's ah, there their statements. Yeah. I mean, you're using your words really? To command chain.

spk_0:   1:5:54
It's like a decree of I I am doing I am commanding this. Yeah, and this is coming to the sovereign self of when we step more and Maurin alignment with who we are and wreck seeing these binds that are popping up, Can we just clear it with doing an energetic thing like the Court of Atonement with stepping in saying these words, saying it with a full heart of knowing that this will, you know, cut thes, energetic binds, right? Can it happen 100%? So can healing be quicker and more beautiful and more, you know, in Chamonix serve image suffering. Yeah, The serpent sheds her skin and one motion as we shut ours. Can it be with ease and beauty and grace? Absolutely. And part of that, you know, we're talking about boundaries and trying to navigate it. Yes, it can create conflict, and and it's possible because we're talking about it, and our experiences has been a knowing of. It creates conflict. Can we actually shift that dialogue, Teoh? It may on I'm going to surrender this to knowing that I'm just creating my boundary of I'm not okay when you treat me this way, I'm not going to allow that anymore, whatever the dialogue is and then surrendering it to whatever is going to happen, allowing that it could create conflict but not necessarily expecting it, because if we expect it, it's going to create conflict. I'm and again it just comes back to the sovereign self. I say this all the time. If we're just choosing to navigate our world in the way of how we want to walk and what our container then looks like, then how everybody else chooses to to react to that is on them and not on us

spk_1:   1:7:35
always. Yeah, always. And then there's a choice, right? Always. Yeah. Do we play together, or do we say goodbye?

spk_0:   1:7:44
Yeah, and I've said goodbye. I think you have to a time. Oh, yeah, And that may be another conversation for when Yeah,

spk_1:   1:7:55
well in and then, as like, change happens. It may be a hello down the road, you know, but you really have to honor what's in the moment. And if it's not serving you right, let it go.

spk_0:   1:8:09
And this actually goes hand in hand with court cutting. Because one of the first things that when for me in my experience, when something comes up, I do look to see if there's an energetic holding because a lot of times we hold on. We've talked about this before, especially if it's Ah relationship that we've had for a long time. They could be holding us energetically and an old paradigm of who we used to be. I e If we're talking about Mormonism, well, I'm still holding you from when you were Mormon. So this keeps bumping up against me, and I keep reacting from this place. And so we get the opportunity, then toe, look at and go. You know what? I'm cutting these cords because when we do our work, it does cut. And I have experienced that time and time again with my relationships changing, not nestle from having the conversation, but because I've done my own energetic work. But when we cut the cords, it can allow for something new and a new perspective in a new holding of that relationship

spk_1:   1:9:03
to come in. Yeah, so for someone who doesn't understand what we're saying when we say energetic co cords, everything is energy. Everything holds a vibration. And when we're in a relationship with someone, there is I, uh, energetic cord between the two of you that is, is creating that connection. But

spk_0:   1:9:25
we have. What are they called? Accidental fibers that actually are going out in an energetic way from If you just look at our heart centres, we have a energetic center that goes out from our hearts when my spice and torrid Yeah, no. Yes, and it's our is that our hearts, not the heart wall. What is it called? It's actually been they have done stays where you can see it and are, sir heart your energy filled, your heart filled. I don't remember what I think. There's a terminate forgetting it, but our energetic field can go anywhere from three feet to 15 to 20 feet outside of our physical bodies. So every time we come into interaction with anyone, our energetic bodies are exchanging. And when that happens, the axe Yanal fibers, they they cord. They create cords that connect like netting, can look like netting and can and even to constructs. I've cut cords on people that I have religious constructs or patriarchal constructs that I've seen is netting around their chocolate systems because it was something that energetically they bought into right, and with any time you do court cutting, you always send the energy back. You pull in your energy because there is an exchange of energy that

spk_1:   1:10:34
happens, right? Yeah. So if you feel a lot of drain in your life, there may be some energetic cords that are draining you. So it's a good practice. I feel to go in, Um, and you can do it with someone else to help facilitate until you're comfortable doing yourself. But go in and identify those cords that are ready to be cut or need to be cut. And sometimes there's fuckin still cables. Oh, yeah, I had some cables to Mormonism, but I'm not going to come in and cut with little scissors like I had to get those giant cutters, you know, because it was so and it's not just it was a family linage thing, like through my mom's side of the family. It goes back generations. They were daughters of the Utah pioneers, like they came over from England. Um, how deep? Deep roots into that belief system. And so I had to get out those vice grips to cut escorts because they were. They were strong. We were strong, plus my own practice in the religion through the temple ceremony and through the things that I agreed to create those energetic cords as well. So it was going in and and cutting those so that they're no longer pulling energy from me because it doesn't connect with who I am now. Yeah,

spk_0:   1:11:53
yeah, I would. I would offer that this is something that's a continual practice of court cutting, of checking in, like you're saying if you feel depleted or if a relationship keeps popping up and there's some something that keeps asking to be held in a different way, I would look at courts first in my book. I did talk about a way that you can court cut, and I cant rember what chapter it is. Um, and then also, as far as resource is, so in my book, the Levy are what is my type of above 11 teen? Um, it's in there and then also Elizabeth April offered, and it may have been in her. It was in her private membership group, and hopefully she doesn't get mad at me for sharing this. But she offered, It's a letter in which I have never experienced this, and I will have to practice writing a letter. Yeah, and I shared it with you. So it is. You write a letter, and there was a few questions to ask. And at the end, that ask is forgiving it, which he goes a little bit further than the actual cord cutting. Um, and maybe we'll share it. Maybe we don't. I don't have to sit with that one,

spk_1:   1:12:59
but I feel another really effective way is writing things down and then burning it? Yes. Like fire is a very powerful alchemical. Whom of, um, letting go of old believes old patterns, parts of you old relationships. Like when you offer it up to fire, It's a cleansing energy. Yeah, sure. We'll have to talk about alchemy. Yeah, one of my favorites means yeah.

spk_0:   1:13:27
Well, what's our ass today? Even though I'm like, was anything we said really clear? I don't know. I guess I guess one of the beautiful things is you. Hopefully something that we said sparks a question. Ah, wonderment. How are you holding boundaries? And so maybe that is

spk_1:   1:13:45
Yeah. I guess it's good to understand when you're boundaries have been crossed. For me, what really resonated was when the therapist said When you feel resentment either your you didn't hold a boundary to begin with or someone's crossed it. Yeah. So how do you know when your boundaries have been crossed and do, you know do well? Okay, Do you know if your boundaries have been crossed? And if you do, How do you know? And when your boundaries across What's your practice? What? What is the next step for you? How do you resolve that? Um, part that has come into conflict.

spk_0:   1:14:22
Yeah. Yeah. And when these days will start Ah, like a Facebook group. Probably that's more geared towards. We'd love to have interaction, because his word Vala night will not. Would never say that we have Oliver ship figured out because we don't I don't think I ever have anything. When I thought I had, it was, like, not even close. So I

spk_1:   1:14:44
did for a long time. Oh, much. Well, except I was Mormon so

spk_0:   1:14:49
that you know what? That was the only time I could be like, I think back then I thought I had me shit figured out. Like that's because you don't have to figure a damn thing out. It was all figured out for you. Oh, I got I was talking to a friend of mine, the other damn. Like there. When you leave Mormonism for me, there are those moments And I wrote in my book because it was in my journal. Maybe I should have chosen to stay in Mormonism because in some aspects, it was easier to be told what to dio. You know, it wasn't happy. There was some aspects. It was easier. This process of stepping mawr into the spiritual practice of who Who am I? What am I am going further and further in fuck It is not for the faint of heart.

spk_1:   1:15:28
No, It's like the old matrix adage taking the red pill and then one day going

spk_0:   1:15:34
Damn, it's what I do. That red pill. I should have stayed asleep. It was easier. Their steak tasted like steak. Uh, so, yeah, that's our ask. And if you don't know, he even have boundaries. That's your ask. Do you have boundaries? Yeah, where they look like it's just a

spk_1:   1:15:55
process of discovery, right? And that's going to change. Yeah, it's gonna change

spk_0:   1:16:02
eso. Hopefully you had some wisdom offer today from us, and as always, we love an honor. Each of you on your journey and what you are choosing

spk_1:   1:16:11
to experience each day. Yep, yep. Have a great

spk_0:   1:16:15
day. Thank you so much for joining us today and spending some of your valuable time with us. We hope there was something that you gained in your awareness that you can now share into the world. Remember, you are a divine creator. So

spk_1:   1:16:31
what are you creating today? Come check us out on Instagram finding oneness and duality. We love to hear your feedback. We just love to hear from you. Please feel free to come check us out.

spk_0:   1:16:41
Relationships are two sided. So come be the other side.

spk_1:   1:16:45
Finding dot Oneness dot and dot It's too long.

spk_0:   1:16:54
Thank you. So Okay, guys. But the oh, you're gonna

spk_1:   1:17:03
Okay, pull that in. Laughter is good for the soul. All right?

spk_0:   1:17:10
It's great. Okay,